I came across a message today which really struck home to me. It hit me so deeply that I didn't quite know how to move on from that moment in which everything suddenly clicked into place. It was so beautiful that I felt moved to tears and I just didn't want to lose that precious moment.
It came after months of pain and sadness, and lots and lots of "soul searching" both in CBT sessions and on my own. In fact, it follows years of repeating the same patterns of behaviour that never quite worked and left me feeling hollow and unsure.
And though I knew this message logically it took this one moment for it to truly sink in to the depth of my heart and soul and make a monumental change. Which is quite a good way of explaining it, especially as I found the reading in the third part of the Educating Heart and Soul course I started at the beginning of the year and only just found time to really delve in to.
There were actually several parts of this particular session that really spoke to me and it's going to take me time to do them all justice. But I have to start somewhere, and so here it is, the message that shook my world in the most amazing way:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves: "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?"
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson (Return to Love)
Inspired by 'A Course in Miracles'
For months I have been looking at self-esteem issues in my CBT sessions. I have been working through perfectionist ideals and trying to reach unattainable goals. I've been looking at guilt and feelings of inadequacy. And I've been facing, in my own life, a confusion over the outer expression of my inner faith and how to truly live what I believe, without fear of rejection or harsh judgement, in a way that is both beautiful and inspirational for Little Man to grow up with.
And I've spent hours going over and over these behaviours and fears and getting so close to the answer and yet never quite getting there. And now it makes sense: my fear is not my inadequacy, but my discomfort with how good I am,how brightly I could shine.
I have, unconsciously for the most part, pulled myself down in so many ways as I wanted to remain "humble" and avoid becoming "arrogant" by being who I am. And yet, in this light, it seems arrogant to assume that I need to "lower" my abilities. Which makes me realise that this behaviour, though meant in the best possible way, has some very negative results, not just for me, but for those around me.
If I want Little Man to shine as brightly as I believe he was made to shine, then I need to accept and honour the light within my own self and celebrate my own abilities, not hide and doubt them. If I do that he will hopefully learn to honour and celebrate his own light.
This all follows on nicely from my recent posts and I can look back and see how all the changes of late have led to this moment when upon reading this message it all fell into place.
So I'd like to just invite you all to read through the message, slowly, and let its meaning sink in. Let's all let our light shine!