In a room
where no light glows
and only a heartbeat is heard,
There remains, in the darkness,
a flicker of hope
and the notes of a song, once forgotten.
That flicker of hope
with the seed of desire
fans a flame that burnt out long ago,
And the sweet song of music
begins to arise
in that room where once nothing survived.
Time slowly passes
with hardly a word
and no hint of a change in the world,
But deep in that room
a little light grows
as the music echoes within.
And slowly that light
that was once but a flicker
bursts out through each crevice and crack,
So the world stops to wonder
and bask in the glow
as the song reaches out; its crescendo.
In a room that was darkened
a bright light now shines
it has shed so much fear and much doubt,
And a little voice calls
to each wounded traveller
with the words, "I understand".
Last week I was looking through my posts from 2012 in an attempt to do a review on the blog. But thanks to technical difficulties I never got around to finishing that post. I did however get to realise that 2012 was a major year for me in terms healing and discovering, or rather rediscovering, who I am and what I want in life. And that inspires me to keep going...
The past few years have been traumatic in many ways and I felt I lost who I was many a time. Just as I started to heal from the trauma of my Endo treatments, depression and resignation from work due to both of these, I fell pregnant and lost myself even further in the isolatiom and fear that came with hyperemesis. This in turn led to major questions over my dream of a large family and who I was as a woman, and it has taken a lot of time and energy to begin healing from all of that.
But healing has taken place, I can see that when I look back over my posts throughout 2012 and hope that the healing process will continue in the year ahead.
All of this has led to various inner and outer changes, one of which being my desire to share more openly here on the blog. And that is why I chose to share the poem that began this post. I wrote it the other night as I realised just how close I came to losing who I was in my darkest days and yet how strangely beautiful the healing process has been in helping me to find my voice, my song, my very essence again. It is different than before, but not necessarily in a bad way. I have scars that still hurt from time to time, but I have more compassion and a greater desire than ever to use this in supporting others on their own healing journeys.
It has not been easy, and it continues to challenge me from day to day, but it has been worth it.