The Family Patch

Guest Post: Perfecting the Art of Imperfection (from the Supermom Liberation Project)

Today I have got a fantastic guest post from Shannon at the Supermom Liberation Project.

Shannon contacted me a couple of weeks ago to introduce me to her new blog and I have to say that I fell in love with it almost immediately. Shannon's message is, in her own words, that "EVERY mother is a supermom - it doesn't matter if you are a stay at home mom, work full time, have your own business... it doesn't matter. Just the fact that women are selfless enough to devote themselves to motherhood is "supermom" enough. I want to help moms realize how amazing they really are, and to help them rediscover their own true identities." Amen to that!

If you've been reading my blog in recent months you will know that I have been having Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) for anxiety and my whole life has changed by simply beginning to realise the exact same things that Shannon is hoping to express through her new blog. This guest post of hers truly brings the message home and I hope that you enjoy it.

 

WANT TO BE PERFECT AT SOMETHING? HOW ABOUT PERFECTING THE ART OF IMPERFECTION!    

By The Supermom Liberation Project  

Copyright 2012 

 So, I’m at my son’s baseball game over the weekend, and sitting on the bleachers behind me are two women who, for the entire game, proceed to ramble on endlessly about how “this person” and “that person” are doing (in their opinion) everything wrong. 

*They talked about how their husbands were spoiled for sleeping in every weekend.  

*They talked about how their sister-in-law’s kids were absolute, spoiled brats. 

*They talked about how foolish some couple-friends of theirs were for wanting to  adopt two toddler siblings they had been foster parenting. 

I tried not to eavesdrop – honestly, I tried!   However, I just could not get over how petty and judgmental they were towards other people.   

I was totally astonished for the mere fact that (with the exception of the “husband sleeping in on the weekends” issue) the things they were complaining about had absolutely NO bearing on their own lives.  They just wanted something to gossip about in an attempt to make themselves feel more significant.  You see, when people focus on what is wrong with other peoples’ lives, they often feel better about their own. They use it as a way to forget about their problems, in an effort to escape from their personal insecurities. 

And this all got me thinking… 

It’s no wonder that we moms today are so hard on ourselves!  We don’t want to be the subject of anyone’s gossip column.   We don’t want people to think “we can’t handle it”. 

There is so much outward pressure put on moms by society to… 

-have the most well-behaved children 

-have the best relationship 

-have the most beautiful yard 

-have the perfectly organized house 

-have the lavishly expensive car 

-have the most fashionable clothing 

-have the latest technology… 

We try so hard to be “the perfect mother” and to live up to everybody else’s expectations, and in the process we forget to acknowledge all of our wonderful accomplishments! So, why should we continue to try to be perfect in a never-ending attempt to achieve the unachievable?  Shouldn’t we instead focus on the things we can control? 

I mean, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, BUT…  

YOU WILL NEVER BE PERFECT!   

NOT TO YOUR FAMILY 

NOT TO YOUR IN-LAWS 

NOT TO YOUR NEIGHBORS 

NOT TO YOUR FRIENDS 

NOT TO YOUR BUSINESS ASSOCIATES 

NOT TO ANYONE…IT IS IMPOSSIBLE! 

And, if by chance you do manage to be perceived as perfect by some, it will only be for a short time; as you well know they will be hungrily anticipating your next failure.  (Sounds like the stuff that depression and nervous breakdowns are made of, doesn’t it?) 

So what’s a mom to do to get on the path of validation and self-acceptance? 

Well, for starters STOP CARING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK! 

INSTEAD OF STRIVING FOR “PERFECT” IN THE EYES OF OTHERS, HOW ABOUT STRIVING FOR “GOOD ENOUGH” IN YOUR OWN EYES, AND BEING OK WITH IT?  

In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter what other people think? Honestly, WHO CARES what your nosey next-door neighbor, your mother-in-law, or the “town gossip’s” opinions of you are?  Are they in charge of your life?  No.  Do they know what’s best for your children?  No.  Are they responsible for seeing that your family’s needs are met?  NO!  So, then why should what they think matter to you?   

THE TRUTH IS, IT NEED NOT MATTER!  People can only make you feel inferior when you give them the power to do so by validating their opinions.  By not acknowledging their pettiness or judgmental nature, you don’t have to worry about living up to their unachievable expectations.   

You need to create your own standard of perfection!  If in your own mind perfection is simply a matter of being good enough, then that’s what you need to strive for! 

What should matter the most is what YOU think about YOURSELF, and I’m here to tell you, that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!   

You don’t NEED to be perfect!   

You don’t NEED to be everything to everyone! 

You don’t NEED to get caught up in a ridiculous RAT RACE created by insecure people. 

Ask yourself this… 

Are my kids’ basic needs met? 

Do they have food, shelter and clean water? 

Do they have clothing? 

Do they live in a safe environment? 

Are they being educated? 

Do I show them affection and tell them “I love you”? 

Am I a good role model who teaches them morals and values? 

IF THE ANSWER TO THESE QUESTIONS IS “YES” THEN CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH!  (Anything more is icing on the proverbial family cake). 

Starting right now, other peoples’ opinions of you do not matter.  What matters is that you accept yourself as you are, and that you teach your kids to accept themselves as they are, too.  This is one of the most important gifts you can give your children – it just might save them (and you) years of unhappiness, depression, and therapy.   

Through your own example, help your kids realize the most important thing is that they THEMSELVES feel they’ve done their best in any given situation.  By doing this, you help them lay the foundation for healthy self-esteem, and help them avoid feelings of inferiority, self-doubt, and inadequacy.  When you stop holding yourself to unrealistic expectations, your children learn how to do so as well.  

EMBRACE YOUR IMPERFECTIONS – THEY ARE WHAT MAKE YOU UNIQUE!!  

So, my Supermom Lovelies, here is your assignment:  LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND TELL YOURSELF YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!  

If you want to be perfect at something, then perfect the art of being imperfect! Everything about you is what makes you, you!  Remind yourself that no one else’s opinion matters but your own, and you will not give your power away to those who do not deserve it. 

You can do this!  You are in control!  You are a ROCKSTAR of life!  And don’t EVER forget it! 

So, until next time, Ladies –LIVE YOUR AWESOMENESS!! 

(oh, and let’s start creating an environment of compassion and acceptance – even towards those who are less than compassionate and accepting.  Because THEY are often the ones who need it the most.) 

 You can read more at The Supermom Liberation Project. 

Wills for New Parents: New Baby, New Will (Guest Post)

I have a new guest post for you today, from http://www.mylawyer.co.uk/law/, about the importance of making a will. 

My husband and I have been talking about this since I was pregnant, and have asked our chosen guardians (who said yes!) and sorted out life insurance, but have yet to get the will drafted. Reading this article I was sent makes me all the more determined to get it sorted as soon as possible.

I hope you find it helpful.

Wills for New Parents: New Baby, New Will 

All new parents want the best for their child and many will spend a lot of time on researching the options. From the most comfortable prams and safest car seats, to the healthiest food, no stone is left unturned in the search for the best. At this time of joy and optimism it is not surprising that most parents don’t want to think about what would happen to their child if they died.

This article explains why it is so important for parents to plan for the worst and have a Will in place from the moment their child is born. It describes the options available, as well as the problems that can arise when a parent dies without a Will.

The reluctance of new parents to think about the worst is reflected in the fact that almost 60% of the population die without making a Will. Known as ‘dying intestate’, dying without a Will can cause a lot of difficulties for the people left behind, especially the children of the deceased.

There are many reasons for new parents to make a Will, but the most important is that it allows them to nominate a guardian – someone they know and trust to look after their child or children should both parents die. When you have a named guardian in your Will, that person will have a legal responsibility to look after your child if you die.

On the other hand, if you don’t have a Will and have not named a legal guardian, then the future care of your child will be determined by the courts and by the State.

Clearly, this is a scenario that no parents would want for their child or children. Taking the simple step of creating a Will and appointing a guardian of your choice, will give you the peace of mind of knowing your children will be looked after should you die.

Another important aspect of creating a Will is financial. In a Will, you can specify exactly how you want your estate – your property, money and belongings – to be distributed in the event of your death and ensure your children are provided for financially. Without a Will in place, State imposed rules will dictate how your assets are distributed, regardless of the wishes of your family.

This can cause particular difficulties in the situation where you and or your partner have children from a previous relationship, as well as your own new baby. If there were no children from a previous marriage, the majority of your estate would simply go to your spouse or to your child or children if your spouse had died before you.

However, where you have a child or children from a previous relationship the situation is more complex and will need to be carefully thought-through when drafting your Will. If, for example, you wanted to leave half of your estate to a child from a previous relationship and half to your spouse and new baby, this might mean that your family home would have to be sold in order for your estate to be evenly split.

There are two solutions to this problem. The first would be to make a discretionary trust Will. A discretionary trust Will allows you to put a share of your estate aside to be held in trust. In this case, you could put up to £325,000 into the trust, from which the child from your first relationship can benefit ultimately upon the death of your spouse. This way, your spouse can live in the family home with your child, but you can still leave part of your estate to your other schild. The second solution would be to use mutual Wills. Mutual Wills are Wills, in which you and your spouse name the same beneficiaries (i.e. you both name your child and the child from your previous relationship to be left agreed amounts) to receive the estate upon the death of the second spouse. Each Will contains a clause which means that neither of you can change the Will without the permission of the other. This means that even if you die first, you can be reassured that the child from your first relationship will be provided for upon the death of your spouse.

It must be noted that the option of using a discretionary trust Will is the more suitable if you are concerned about the financial management of your spouse, as he or she will not be able to access the assets in the trust, while in the case of mutual Wills he or she will have access to all your assets and can do with them as they please.

Many people put off getting a Will, viewing it as morbid and even tempting fate. And in some cases, you can get away with not having a Will and your estate will be divided roughly as you want it. However, once you have a child that is no longer the case. As an adult you are responsible for yourself, but once you become a parent you become responsible for the wellbeing of your child, and that means having a plan in place should the worst happen. It means making a Will.

Visit www.mylawyer.co.uk to find out more.

 

MyLawyer service is designed to make creating legal documents and receiving legal advice as easy and cost effective as possible. Whether you’re an individual looking to protect your family’s future with a Will, or a landlord wanting to know your rights, MyLawyer is there to point you in the right direction and ensure you get the best legal documents you deserve.

Lone Women Drivers - A Guide To Car Safety (Guest Post)

I've got another guest post for you today, one that I think is perfectly timed with all the bad weather we've been having lately. I'm currently a learner driver and so never alone in my car, but I shall certainly be heeding the advice given today once I pass my test and start driving on my own. 

Staying safe on the road is a major concern for women driving alone, especially when travelling at night or for long distances. But by keeping a few basic rules in mind, you can handle any difficulty with confidence. Here are a few things to consider as a lone woman driver.

Prepare for your journey

• If you’re planning a long journey, make sure you’ve researched the best route. This can often mean travelling on motorways and main roads for an easier trip. If possible, avoid travelling at night. If you must travel after dark, it’s a good idea to inform someone at your destination of your estimated arrival time. You can take the hassle out of navigating long journeys by using a sat nav, but do take along the latest road atlas to fall back on.

• Consider keeping a torch, a blanket, some money, sensible shoes and a warm coat in the car at all times. Also, remember always to carry a fully charged mobile phone with you (but don’t use it while driving).

• By regularly maintaining your car, you’ll reduce the risk of breaking down. Many women think it’s a good idea to do a simple car maintenance course, to get to know their vehicle better. In any case, ensure that the oil, coolant, windscreen wash and other fluid levels are always topped up. This, of course, includes fuel – make sure that you fill the fuel tank when it’s half empty, rather than waiting for the warning light. Checking the condition and pressure of the tyres based on your car’s specifications is also important. Always make sure your spare is in good condition.

• Choose the right kind of car insurance cover. This will ensure you areprotected for any emergency and will give you peace of mind on the road.

• It’s also important to join a reputable national breakdown service so you will be protected in an emergency.

On the road

• Remember to lock your doors and roll up all the windows, especially at traffic lights. Never keep your valuables beside you in the front seat. The safest place to store them is in the boot.

• Be wary of strangers who suggest there might be a problem with your car. It might be safer to drive on unless you’re completely convinced that there is a fault.

• Avoid hitchhikers.

• When you need to park, look out for car parks with the ‘Park Mark’ logo. These are members of the Safer Parking Scheme.

• If you do have to park on the street, try to do so in a well-lit and busy place.

• When you approach your parked car, only unlock it when you’re quite close and if possible only unlock the driver’s door.

• If you’re nervous about entering a car park at night, ask a parking attendant to escort you to your vehicle.

If you breakdown

• If you’re on a motorway and start to experience car trouble, try to get off the motorway as safely and quickly as possible. Only park on the hard shoulder if there’s absolutely no other option. You should use your hazard lights if your car is blocking traffic. While waiting for help, it’s safest to climb up the bank or stand behind a barrier instead of waiting in your car. However, if you do feel under threat from anyone, stay in your car with the doors and windows locked, until you feel it’s safe to step outside.

• When you call your breakdown and recovery service, tell them that you’re driving alone. Many give priority to lone women drivers and you shouldn’t have to wait too long for help.

• If you’re approached by a police officer or mechanic, you have every right to ask for their identification before stepping out of the car.

• If your car breaks down in an urban area at night, try to pull into a well-lit place – for instance, a shopping centre car park or busy street.

 

The Great Outdoors and Your Child - a Guest Post

As promised yesterday, we're heading right back our normal topics of conversation today. And what a great post I have for you too!

The weather may be cold and Summer may feel a long way away but it really won't be long before those warmer days start to creep in again. If you've got kids, I'm sure you'll be wondering what to do with them to keep things fresh and exciting. So that is why I am pleased to introduce you to today's guest blogger.

Sarah contacted me recently to ask if I would be interested in a post about fun games to play outdoors. Would I ever! Tim and I are truly passionate about being outside and we hope to pass on that love to Oscar too. He may be a little young yet for the games Sarah mentions in her post, but I'm sure we'll be playing them with him in just a few years time.

So, without further ado, here's Sarah:

The Great Outdoors And Your Child

Not that long ago, children spent the majority of their free time playing outside. Discovering secret hideouts, catching frogs, and crickets, and inventing fun games together, which usually involved getting muddy sometimes by accident and sometimes on purpose, was all part of everyday life. Now, they’re spending up to 5 hours a day watching TV.

But, we can’t blame it all on TV. There are many factors, which add to the lack of outdoor play. The concern for children’s safety is an issue, as well as the fact that kids often don’t know what to play outside, so they resort to video games to keep away the boredom. However, there is a simple way to teach them some great outdoor games in the safety of your own garden. 

A group of 4 to 8 children (or more, if you feel you can handle them) is ideal for these games, so consider inviting some of your kids’ friends round or the neighbours’ kids to make up the numbers. Once you’ve taught them the games, introduced below, you can supervise the play for 2 or 3 rounds to make sure there aren’t any questions and then leave them to it.

Bring out some refreshments for them, and serve them in your garden shed. Let them roam in the shed, as this can become their HQ or pirate ship. Encourage them to use their imagination to invent more games. So, they’ll have some inspiration to go on, here are the rules of some classic outdoor games, that are easy to learn and great fun:

 

1. Red Light, Green Light

I recommend starting with this game, as it starts off slow and then becomes more interesting, so it’s a good option of getting the kids used to the concept of playing outside. The rules are simple: One player, the traffic light, has their back to the group and shouts ‘Green Light’. The group takes slow steps toward the traffic light. The steps should be toe to heel to ensure the steps are slow. To make this clear, tell them to imagine walking on a tightrope. The traffic light faces the group and shouts ‘Red Light’. No one is allowed to move during a red light. If someone does move, they have to return to the starting point. The first person to reach the traffic light wins, and becomes the next traffic light.

 

1. Freeze Tag

Freeze tag is just like your traditional game of tag, except that when someone is caught, they’re not ‘It’ instead they have to freeze where they are. They can be freed by another player, but whoever is ‘It’ can also catch the player trying to free the frozen one. Whoever is ‘It’ must play very tactically, as they are outnumbered and can be overwhelmed by the others. However, if they keep a frozen player in their sights, they can catch both the player doing the unfreezing and the player who was originally frozen. Likewise the players, who aren’t ‘It’ can develop a tactic to work together and plan unfreezing their team mates. One could distract the ‘It’, while another frees a team mate.

 

1. Wolf’s Dinner Time

One player is Mr Wolf, and the rest of the group faces him from a distance of about 15 feet. Mr Wolf has his back to the group. The group shouts ‘What’s the time Mr Wolf?’, and the Mr Wolf turns to the group and must answer with a time. If Mr Wolf says ‘6 o’clock’, then the group takes six steps toward him. The wolf then turns his back on the group again. He may only face them when answering them. Once the wolf believes the group to be close enough, without peeking in between his answers, his answer becomes ‘Dinnertime!’ and he chases members of the group. Whoever he catches becomes the next Mr Wolf. Timing is everything with this game, as the wolf may decide to strike too soon and miss his chance for an easy catch.

These three games are merely examples of some of the classic and still fun outdoor games. There are many others and kids love learning new things, so tell them your favourite games, too. Outdoors needn’t be boring or dangerous. It can be a fun and safe adventure.  



Written by Sarah Oxley, outdoor enthusiast and champion for outdoor games. I wrote this article to remind people of the fun outdoor games that exist, before they are forgotten, as they teach us some of the most important social skills: playing together and playing fairly.

Guest Blog: The Family Busyness

Today I have another guest blogger for you.

Ruth gave birth to her son Andrew just as I was finding out we were going to have a baby of our own, and has been a great support for me during some of the harder times in m pregnancy and during our breastfeeding journey.

She recently started blogging and you can find her over at Mixed Bag of All Sorts

Before I begin, I’d like to thank Amanda for suggesting that I could do a guest post, and for inspiring me to start my own blog. When we first emailed about me doing a guest post, it was just before she changed the name and layout of her blog to reflect her growing family. So I thought it would be appropriate to share on this Family Patch my experience of family life. I hope to show (and remind myself whilst writing!) that all the busyness that family life brings can be a good thing, even though it can seem overwhelming at times (especially when little sleep is involved).

Since about this time last year, my boys – husband Tom and 11-½ -month old son Andrew – and I have been a three-person family. For me, the step to becoming a two-person family back in 2008 when Tom and I got married was amazing enough, but I have been even more amazed at just how much I’m enjoying life with another little person. For as long as I can remember, I’ve known that I wanted children, but until I actually had my very own child, I didn’t quite realised just how much I would love being a mum. Likewise Tom didn’t realise just how much he would love being a dad. Before Andrew came along, we weren’t even sure whether conceiving our own child would be easy, because I had suffered with anorexia in the past and had a very low body weight for several years, which could well have interfered with my fertility. So we feel incredibly blessed to have Andrew here with us today, so healthy and happy.

Adding another person to our family has meant that there is more going on now from day to day than before. Don’t get me wrong – I was busy before we had a baby, and I actually like being busy to a certain extent, and get bored quite easily if there’s not much going on, but the busyness isn’t quite the same as it was in pre-baby times. Before I could focus on what I personally wanted to be busy with, and of course we did things together as a couple. Now I feel like there are so many different things in my weekly routine that need to fit together in the best possible way for all three of us – it’s like one of those puzzles with little tiles that all move around within a bigger square, and there’s always one hole that you can move a tile into, to eventually make a picture that makes sense. I try my best; most weeks I feel like I succeed in sliding things into place so that we get a good picture, though some weeks it’s not perfect.

Two and a half days a week, my job is to look after Andrew. As he’s so active, we go out for much of the day to various play groups, so he has lots of space to explore the world around him and interact with other children. For example, there’s ‘Rhymetime’ in the library, where we say rhymes and read books, and ‘Little Music Makers’, where we sing songs, play parachute games, and have fun with musical instruments. We also go swimming together, which Andrew loves (so I’m very happy, having been a keen swimmer all my life). It’s also great to spend time at home together, where we tip all the toys out, stick a cool kids CD on, grab some refreshments, and even have a chat in French or German (since I studied these languages at university and researched them for my post-grad studies, I’d like to introduce Andrew to them as early as possible) – he of course still only babbles back to me whatever language I speak in, but it’s amazing what must be going on in his brain with language acquisition.

Two and a half days a week, my job is to be a post-doc research associate (fancy name for the fact that I do research and have a PhD) at the University of Cambridge. The project I’m working on is looking at how children with a language impairment hear rhythm in music and speech, and how we might ultimately be able to improve their language development with music-based interventions. I find it a really interesting area of research, particularly now having a baby myself. Currently I’m sifting through all the data we’ve so far collected, which mainly involves staring at spreadsheets of numbers all day, which drive’s me crazy; but this term I also get to do one school visit a week, which means playing some specially designed games on a laptop with kids, and getting them to do some karaoke – lots of fun!

So that’s the five weekdays covered, and we’re left with the weekends. Saturday mornings are more Daddy and Andrew time – they toddle off to ‘Daddy and Me Club’ once a month and ‘Rhymetime’ the other weeks, leaving me home alone. Give me a few hours these days, and it’s amazing what I manage to get done around the flat: having a baby has made me much more productive at things like cleaning and sorting stuff out. Before I know it, I’ve caught up on the washing, the floors are vacuumed and mopped, the bathroom is clean, I’ve baked something tasty, I’ve been for a swim, and I’ve even sat down with a cuppa in hand and written something to go on my blog. Saturday afternoons I usually let Tom have a go at catching up on things he needs to, by taking Andrew to the park or some other out-of-the-flat activity. By the evening we’re all ready to have some family time over a meal of comfort food. Then comes Sunday (read family-day). We go to church in the morning, and then a trip out somewhere for an afternoon walk. It’s time for us all to catch up with each other, after a week of spending most daylight hours as, at most, a pair and a singleton.

Of course we are together as a three for quite a lot of each 24-hour day, but then I’m talking about evenings and overnight. That’s when being a mum really feels like a vocation, not a job. I mean I can leave my research job behind at 5pm(-ish), knowing that I’m not contracted to be there indefinitely on a daily basis. But when I drop Andrew off at the childminder’s in the morning, that doesn’t stop me being mum. If he’s ill, he comes first – so far I’ve only needed to have half a day off due to him having a cold (he’s generally very healthy), and even then my work is flexible so I could make up the hours in the evening when Tom got home. Likewise when I come home, I continue being mum, spending time together after our separate days, as well as getting things like dinner and washing sorted, and even fitting in a quick swim for some me-time to unwind. During the night I’m also on call; although we’re very grateful that he’s a pretty good sleeper at night for his age, he can still wake up at any moment, especially if he’s teething or a bit under the weather. I can’t exactly say to him ‘Sorry Andrew, Mummy can’t come and cuddle you when you wake, I’ve got work in the morning and must get back to sleep’. Mum-hood is a 24/7 role, and the rewards I get are well worth the long hours!

Before Andrew came along, I thought that being a part-time working mum would give me a good mixture of activities that being a full-time stay-at-home mum wouldn’t; for example, I thought I would miss the ‘mental stimulation’ (as lots of people seem to refer to in this context of working mums) if I didn’t go back to work, but I also didn’t see the point of going back full-time, as I would want to play a large part in my baby’s environment in the pre-school years. However, throughout my 9 months of maternity leave, and also since I’ve been back at work, I’ve come to realise that I’d like to look after Andrew full-time. I do enjoy my work, and I see definite advantages of working whilst having a toddler, but to me it will never be as amazing as looking after Andrew full-time, at least until he goes to school. I like the challenges that being mum presents (most of the time), and the end result of seeing my boy grow and develop makes it all worth it. I get plenty of interaction with other adults at the groups we go to and at the committees I’ve joined (La Leche League breast-feeding support group committee, Chesterton Parents’ Group committee, editor of The Voice – NCT Cambridge branch magazine… all of which are completely compatible with looking after kids as they’re run by parents for parents). I enjoy the mental stimulation of writing my blog and articles for The Voice and other parenting magazines (at evenings/weekends and during Andrew’s nap times).

The feeling (growing within me over the past year) that being a full-time mum is my ‘calling’ is something very much linked to my faith as a Christian. I believe that God has a plan for my life, and I want to follow His will, which I try to discern through prayer. It can be easy to see prayer as something that I ‘have to fit in’ along with everything else in the busyness, but I do find that when I actually prioritise prayer, the other things fit together more easily as I feel more able to tackle the challenges. Of course being a stay-at-home mum is not the plan for every mum, and I don’t want to give the impression that I think no mum should work. We all have different gifts and talents, and all families are different, so there can’t be a one-size-fits-all approach to working and having kids.

I can certainly waffle on about this family busyness, but I think drawing to a close would be good, for my and your sanity! I guess the purpose of writing this was to share my experience of our family life, and to make the point that it’s important for me not to lose sight of the bigger picture, the good things about the busyness, even when the multitude of small day to day activities and tasks cloud this. By this I mean I try to reflect as often as possible on questions like why I’m doing what I’m doing, what are the most important things to me in our life together, what are my longer term plans/aims. The answers are along the lines of giving Andrew the best quality of life that I possibly can, with as much help and encouragement for his development, and also growing together as a family unit, in which we are all happy with ourselves and each other.

 

Thank you Ruth for taking the time to write this post. 

Please do leave Ruth a comment to let her know what you think or pop over to her own blog to read more about her life as a mum. 

Guest Post: The Joy of Photography

Wow, I am so behind. Apologies for not getting around to visiting blogs, commenting, and getting new posts up on here as often as usual. This particular guest blog has been sitting in my inbox for several days now and I'm only just getting around to uploading it. But, better late than never, hey?

Anyway, my guest blogger today is Dawn, who you may remember took photos at our wedding and also recently did a maternity photo shoot with me and Tim. She has agreed to be my "official photographer" and this is the first in a series of posts about photography that we have planned. 

Dawn is a great photographer, and she is self-taught. This means that anyone could get similar results with time, patience and a few hints and tips. And that is where this series of posts is going to come in. So, without further ado I'm going to let Dawn explain to you just why she loves photography and how she came to be where she is today. 

Photography: a Passion for Memories 

Hello everyone!  My name’s Dawn and I’ve been taking half-decent photos since I won a basic 35mm camera in a fancy dress competition when I was 8 or so.  I originally hail from Essex and I now live in Nottingham, having moved here in 2002 to come to University: that’s how I know Amanda, as we did the same course.  I live with my partner Matt (who’s from Lancashire) and I enjoy an awful lot of things, many of which will come out in this first post. 

Amanda asked me to do a bit on photography.  I’m not sure why; I’m one of those people who give ‘real’ photographers a bad name!  I’m a dilettante with some basic kit and a knack for being in the right place at the right time, and I take an awful lot of photographs.  A good example was 2nd August 2011, when I spent 4 ½ hours wandering around University Park campus in Nottingham and took 758 pictures…  I also did a lot of photos for Amanda’s wedding, and was the Official Photographer at another couple of friends’ wedding recently.  I don’t really ‘do’ people: I prefer when they’re acting up, being ‘normal’ and the like.  Posed pictures are all well and good but, oh my, so boring!  No doubt you’ll get to see some of the hilarious ones in my ‘Wedding Photography’ slot. 

The story of how I got into photography is rather fun: I started back in the 80s with a free Kodak 110mm film camera which was so hard to use I couldn’t even get a single picture of any of the planes filling the sky at the 40th Anniversary of the Battle of Britain flypast down the Mall.  I was 6.  I moved on to my Mum’s old 110mm film camera and took pictures of my pet rabbit Charlie and all sorts of other things I’ve long forgotten.  All these photos are at my parents house so I can’t show you! 

After a few other 110mm film cameras, when I was 8 I entered a fancy dress competition at school as a dragon (the theme was fantasy so I was well prepared: I love dragons!) and won the first prize of a 35mm camera.  It wasn’t a fantastic camera, but it taught me the principles of changing the film, getting the light right and where my focus limits were: it actually had an auto-focus!  I enjoyed taking artsy pictures of my dinosaurs creeping through the long grass, aeroplanes hung in the ice in the freezer (on a snowy airfield!) and animals at parks, as well as my rabbit. 

After that, I saved my pennies and bought a second-hand ‘posh’ camera (that’s an SLR) from Jessops which I used for years, and still have, until it started greying out the 35mm film and I moved to digital in 2004 just before I went on my Year Abroad: my parents furnished me with what was then a top-of-the-range Sony Cybershot plus memory sticks for £300.  It started to misread batteries in 2008 so I re-upgraded to posh cameras and got the cheapest of the good ones, a Nikon D40.  I have two lenses, one standard but quite wide-angle and one zoom.  Last Christmas I spent my Christmas money on a little compact Samsung to take to parties and for everyday use: it also has a movie mode which my ‘cheap’ SLR lacks. 

I have to thank my Dad for a lot of my prowess in photography: he taught me about f-numbers and light settings and aperture. He’s had the same Olympus 35mm film camera for donkey’s years and takes pictures of trains and stuff onto slide film.  His pictures aren’t professional as such, but they’d be good enough to publish in a railway magazine or the like, if he ever submitted them! 

So, what do I really like about photography?  Why do I do it?  Well, a big part of it is about showing off, to be honest.  Showing off what I like, the awesome things I’ve made or painted, the reactions of people in all sorts of situations, the places I’ve been, that sort of thing. 

I love painting models.  This is a Trygon, a big plastic monster kit produces by Games Workshop for use with their Tyranid range for Warhammer 40,000.  He’s called Boris and he stands about a foot tall: this is a close-up of his head.  I took this in May 2010. 

This is one of my ‘arty’ photos: it’s some flowers in the Jekyll Garden on University Park, Nottingham, that I took on 2nd August 2011. 

 

This is one of my classic holiday shots, designed for posting on Facebook or whatever comes out next, to show where I was, what I was doing and what hilarious things I’ve seen.  I love travelling.  This is from Antwerp, Belgium, while I was on holiday with my parents this summer. 

I bake.  Not a lot, but I like making cakes and cookies and biscuits and whatnot.  This is an ‘action’ shot of a lovely mocha sponge which is my speciality. This one’s from March 2011 and was mine and Matt’s ‘anniversary’ cake and was taken on my Samsung. 

It’s also because I like to archive what I’ve done, where I’ve been and, most importantly, what I’ve seen.  I have a pretty good memory: I remember things in pictures, so aiding that memory is something I love doing! 

This is another of my classic holiday shots: Brighton Sunset, from September 2010. 

Near where I work they’ve been demolishing an old soap factory, so I’ve been using my little Samsung compact camera (rather than the Nikon DSLR I use for ‘planned’ photography) to capture a running history of it.  This is part-way through the demolition and was taken in February 2011. 

I love aircraft and I love going to airshows.  This is one of my favourite aircraft, the Avro Vulcan, and this is the last flying example.  It’s owned and operated by a registered charity and I save my pennies to help keep her flying.  Nothing can replicate the awesome roar of four Rolls-Royce Olympus engines propelling a beautiful example of British engineering into summer skies, but it’s a great reminder of those windy days taking in the kerosene.  This was taken at The Royal International Air Tattoo at RAF Fairford in July 2010. 

Finally, this is from a game we play called Inquisitor, also produced by Games Workshop, which uses 58mm scale models and comes somewhere between a wargame and a traditional pen-and-paper role-playing game.  We were running a scenario with my Jurassic Park dinosaurs as alien monsters (they were a bit like raptors, but bigger and scarier!) and this is the moment they jumped one of the warbands…  Taken in February 2011 on my Samsung. 

Well, I think that brings us full circle: back to dinosaurs!  I hope you’ve enjoyed me harping on about me and my awesome photos but, hey, we all need an ego boost at times!  I really do love photography and perhaps love being on the other side of the camera more than taking the photos, so I feel I should end on a picture of me taken by my other half at Alnwick Castle in April 2011, where I was far too over-excited at the prospect of meeting a real dragon… 

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Thanks Dawn! 

I'm hoping to get those photo galleries I mentioned a few posts back onto the blog over the coming days/weeks, so do check back later for more examples of Dawn's work. And don't forget, we'll be running a series on topics such as "wedding photography", "maternity photos" and "baby photos" as well as Dawn's advice on how to take photos of things both very close to you and very, very far away! 

 

Guest Blog: Adoption is a Calling!

Good morning!

Today I'm happy to introduce you to yet another guest blogger. KK writes at The Mom Diggity which I have to say is perhaps one of my favourite blog finds in a very long while! I randomly found the blog during the early parts of my pregnancy and quickly fell in love with the style and nature of each and every post. 

But what really struck me was the journey on which KK and her family are on. With a toddler and another baby on the way, they are eager to start on the next stage of expanding their family by adoption. And as someone who has previously considered adoption as a real possibility, I loved reading all about how they made this decision and what steps they need to take to make the dream a reality. 

So, without further ado, meet KK...

Adoption.

It's not just about infertility. So many people think that adoption is only for people who can't have babies of their own. But adoption is so much more than that. It's a calling. A passion. A desire for something more.

For us, we knew it was something we were called to do. But we believe that you both, as husband and wife, need to be called and agree on this. Adoption is not something easy. It's not cheap.

It hasn't been an easy journey for us. Once we knew this was what our family was going to do, I got impatient. It's now been about a year and a half and we are still just in the beginning stages of our adoption. Since I'm just weeks from popping with our second child, we are waiting until the baby is a few months old to really dig into the process. Being patient can be tough when it comes to building a family. But we are trusting that the path has been laid out for us, and it will happen!

I encourage you to consider if adoption is an option for your family. Maybe it's not something you've ever really considered. Maybe you have children of your own and never thought about adopting. Maybe you are having trouble getting pregnant, and that seems like the best option for you. Possibly you can just help out another family to adopt! There are so many ways you can make a difference in the life of an orphan.  

There are 147 Million orphans worldwide. ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY SEVEN MILLION. That's a lot of babies that need homes. Could your home be a place for one...or even two?

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About KK -- mama to an adorable toddler girl, about to pop with baby girl 2.0 and adopting baby #3.  A little bit of a nutcase and want my babies as close together as insanely possible. Wife to my yummy hubby and having a blast building our precious family with him. Drinking way too much sweet tea, and telling all about our journey at themomdiggity.com! 

And if you want to read more about their adoption journey, the best place to start is her adoption story and why they chose Ethiopia. 

Endometriosis Awareness: free crochet pattern and giveaway!

Good Morning!

Today I have a real treat for you. My "crochet guru" Jen has kindly created a very special crochet pattern that I'm sure you'll love as much as I do.

I'll let Jen explain the pattern herself, but please don't just "skip" this post if you're not a crocheter. The pattern is actually remarkably simple once you understand the basics and I shall be having a go at it myself once I get some yellow yarn. And even if you are absolutely certain you'll never pick up a crochet hook, you could still get a hold of the end product, courtesy of Jen's generosity and a little giveaway we have planned. So read on and all will be revealed...

I’ve known Amanda since she was a teenager. It seems pretty incredible now that the only time we actually met in person was a luncheon in Glastonbury in 2006. 

The world of online community brings people together in a way they never could before. Where else could the inquiring mind of a middle aged American woman with a family meet the inquiring mind of an English university student under circumstances in which they become friends? Seriously, I ask you?! It’s an amazing thing, and even more amazing now that she is married (hi Tim!) and expecting a son soon. (I, on the other hand, am still a middle aged American woman!)

But I digress! It’s not only inquiring minds that Amanda and I share, we share a love for crafting. Between us, we’ve shared ideas, recipes, patterns and tips. I’ve used her as an excuse to try my hand at projects like the beaded Dream Tree...

...the crocheted cabled Tree of Life afghan...

...and to create the best mix cd of love songs EVER.

I’ve felt helpless though in sharing her journey through endometriosis. While I could offer moral support, it upset me to see the physical, emotional and mental pain it’s brought to her over the years. We’ve all felt it, wanting to fix something for someone who is suffering… it’s very difficult to feel helpless isn’t it?

Normally when I am feeling helpless, I practice ‘random acts of kindness’ and they help me feel more connected not only to the ‘family of man’, but to my own priorities. I help the old woman at the grocery to reach her favorite jam on the top shelf (I’m tall, it happens). I pick up someone’s tab at a restaurant (very rewarding, you should try it!). I spend a day picking up trash at the lake (you’d be surprised how other people join in). These little extensions of myself fill me up in a way nothing else can.

Then, Amanda had an idea! Her idea is to combine my love of crafting, and crocheting in particular, with the cause of endo awareness. Brilliant! So, here we are… I created this hot water bottle cozy with a yellow awareness ribbon, in hopes it will not only bring awareness but comfort to a woman in pain. 

The exact same pattern can also be used to make a tote bag, and I’ve included a pattern for a small pocket purse for carrying personal items as well (because you know we all do!).

When Amanda asked me about it, I spent a couple of days simmering with ideas. I decided on this “illusion crochet” ribbon not only because it’s cool, but because it is symbolic of hidden issues, and the work so many are doing to bring them to light. If you look at it one way, it’s simply striped...

but change your perspective a little and the ribbon appears.

You can find the free pattern here. I wrote it with beginner crocheters in mind so don’t let the look intimidate you if it is a new technique. If you get stuck you can reach me through my blog with questions.

We’ve also come up with a way for you to win this one from me! (Amanda will fill in the details)

The process of creating these items reminds me that we don’t have to move mountains to make a difference, we just have to make an effort to share our gifts as they are… when we all come together and contribute in our own way, those mountains will begin to move themselves!

So, do you fancy being in with the chance of winning an awareness tote bag/hot water bottle cozy and purse?  Can you picture yourself receiving all of this in the post?

 

I can tell you from experience that receiving a package from Jen is a true pleasure. So what are you waiting for? 

As this is designed to raise Endometriosis Awareness, you need to spread the word in order to be in with a chance of winning this giveaway. 

How to enter: 

1. Leave a comment on this blog post saying what you like about the pattern, whether you'll be trying it out, and why you'd like to win this giveaway.

AND/OR

2. Follow me on twitter using the handle @amandaspatch and then retweet my tweet that says "Want to #win a handmade totebag and hot water bottle cozy, while raising awareness for #Endometriosis? Then RT this"

The giveaway will close on Friday at midnight GMT, any entries after that will not be counted. The winner will be contacted by email, so please be sure to leave your email address when leaving a blog comment (this will not be visible on the blog itself). The winner will be officially announced on Monday next week and the items shipped as soon as I have received the postal address of said winner. 

I am extending the closing date for this as there has been very little interest this week and I want to give people a chance to see it and take part. A new "end date" will be confirmed later on, so for now, why not have a go?!

Good Luck!

I hope that makes sense, any questions just ask. 

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For more information, help or support, please consider visiting the following websites:

Endometriosis UK

SHE Trust UK

Guest Post: Danielle Bevan Jones on Endometriosis Awareness

I mentioned a while back that I had some guest bloggers lined up for The Patch and I am delighted to introduce you to the first of them.

Danielle is a real inspiration of just how much any one of us can achieve once passion and determination for a cause grabs a hold. I'll let her tell you her own story and exactly what she is up to. And please, let's leave her lots of comments to welcome her to the blog!

Firstly, I'd like to say a massive thank you to Amanda for asking me to write this blog post. I don't want to sound like some smarmy sychophant but it really is an honour to be asked, as the work Amanda does for Endometriosis Awareness is great and it has been wonderful to hear her story and get to know her. So now (well deserved) flattery is over with, I can get on writing this post.

I expect you'll want to know a little about me now, I mean I could get all philosophical about life, love, loss and coping, then draw some conclusions and introduce myself to you that way... It seems a little contrived to me, that method, and besides, you'd be very disappointed if half way into this post you discovered that I was some hateful witch sauntering around in haute couture smelling of vomit and million pound eau de parfum.

Right, well, I don't smell of sick, I'm as poor as a church mouse, and whilst I do have a tendency to get my broomstick out when provoked, I've never hated anyone in my whole life. My name is Danielle, I'm 23, a not-quite-single mother of 1, student, Film-Maker, charity trustee and Endometriosis sufferer. There, that was quite concise wasn't it?! We got there in the end.

Like many Endometriosis sufferers, it took me several years to convince my several doctors (including a psychiatrist or two) there was something wrong with me, resulting in my eventual diagnosis last year (January 2010). The feeling was, as many Endo Girlies will agree, bitter sweet to finally know what was wrong, yet face an incurable and chronically painful condition for the rest of your life. To add crippling insult to injury, my (then) partner decided he’d had enough and left. Supportive (please note sarcasm - it doesn't come across well in text I've found - you should see my face right now) 

Thankfully, this cued the entrance for not only my thirst for knowledge about this little known and under-researched condition, but also the arrival of my DREAM MAN who understands! And luckily for me, DREAM MAN (lets call him DM from now on) helped me pick up the pieces, introduced me to the world of documentary film-making and joined me on my mission to raise awareness of Endometriosis.

I switched courses at University, and DM and I decided that we would start making a documentary about my story and living with Endo. What started out as a 9 minute film for a piece of coursework, soon changed. The more that I found out about the condition, the more passionate I became. The more I went through treatments (such as laparoscopic excision and Prostap), the more that I felt people should know about Endo. And the more that I found out about the facts and figures (1 in 10 women have Endo! 80% sufferers are undiagnosed and the majority, unaware the condition even exists! It takes on average TEN YEARS to get diagnosed) the more I thought to myself, “Right, something NEEDS to be DONE about this and I’M GOING TO BE THE PERSON TO DO IT”. And with that, the film and the research began to take over my (and DM’s) life. Lets get this straight now though – I’m not complaining about this at all. I love my work.

 

I began my mission to raise awareness, contacting Television Shows, Radio Programmes, Magazines, Newspapers, started up the My Endo What?! Facebook Group, and even got over my Twitter phobia in order to start tweeting celebrities in the hope of an RT or a #Trend about Endometriosis surfacing (N.B. I still do not understand Twitter and never will, but I do pretend). It didn’t work. My ever-growing research led me to the Endometriosis SHE Trust where I began a firm friendship with Dian Shepperson Mills (author of Endometriosis: A Key To Healing and Fertility Through Nutrition, Founder of the Endometriosis and Fertility Clinic, and Chair of the Endometriosis SHE Trust). I often refer to Dian as my second mummy because she is a truly fabulous woman and a fountain of knowledge and I feel privileged to say I know her personally (much like my own real mummy).

Inspired by Dian and the work of her charity, I soon began to promote the Endometriosis SHE Trust, and after 5 months of unsuccessful attempts to get the media interested in Endo (and my work) this happened: An interview on BBC Radio Wales, 22^nd December 2010.

 

Soon after, at a film festival that DM won an award at, I met two graduates from my University course who now run an independent film company. I briefly mentioned what I was doing/planning to do, and before DM and I knew it, they had introduced us to a Television Production Company who share my passion to get this film commissioned, made and aired on National TV. Since that meeting, things have slowed on the film front due to faffing with paperwork, proposals, taster tapes and a lack of funds for the necessary Broadcast standard equipment (yawn all very boring stuff, I know).

However, I have spoken on Lorraine, ITV,, and been invited to join the Endometriosis SHE Trust’s Board of Trustees (a great honour!) as well as embarked on a political campaign, lobbying  several MPs in the hope of gaining better health services for Endometriosis sufferers, money for research into treatments and that ever elusive ‘cure’. I like to call it my Endometriosis: It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way campaign (excuse me while I LOL). I try my hardest to speak to the girls on my Facebook Group on the chat window every night. I have met some truly remarkable women in the process, including the fabulous Elisabeth Oas, of Save The Last Dance fame – playing Diggy (I’ve done it again, she really will kill me this time!) who’s Radio Show I will be appearing on this week. WARNING: SHAMELESS PLUG!! This Thursday 28^th July 2011 6PM UK Time @The Pelvic Messenger, also available on demand afterwards!

While it may sound a little masochistic, there are many things that I am actually grateful to Endometriosis for. It weeds out the unnecessary and unsupportive people from your life and introduces you to amazing people you would have never met otherwise. Some of the girls from the support group have actually become firm friends of mine.I’ve been places and spoken to people that I would never have approached in the past. And although I suffer almost every day, having this condition has actually encouraged me to go out, find hope, meet people, boost my self confidence, and as a result not only am I working for a cause I truly believe in, but I’m now pursuing my ambitions and life goals too.

And now I must bid my goodbyes to you lovely followers of Amanda’s Blog, to continue my mission to raise awareness of Endometriosis and spread hope to those who suffer from this chronic, painful and incurable condition. After all, we have Endo But Endo will not have us. Thank you so much for reading this, I hope we got through it in a fun and (slightly) amusing way? Please (whether you have Endo or not) please feel free to join me on my journey, you can follow my blog, join the Facebook Group, subscribe to my YouTube Channel or (and I quote) send me short timely messages on Twitter @daniellerachael.

Thanks so much for reading. Take Care, Much Love Danielle xxx