The Family Patch

BritMums Live 2013 - Well, hello there!

I wrote a post a few weeks back about my thoughts on this year's BritMums Live agenda and what I intended to get out of it. But other than that I have barely spoken a word about going, and it's about time I did some "pre-conference" introductions and met some of the other people going (before actually meeting them in person!)

So, whilst the charity auction continues on its merry way without the need for much input from me (for once) I am going to make the most of the interlude and do a BritMums Live post. 

If you're going, I hope to see you there!

Name: Amanda

Blog: The Family Patch

Twitter ID: @amandaspatch

Height: 5ft 4 (I think)

Hair: Long, straight, aubourn

Eyes: Dark brown

Is this your first blogging conference?

No, I attended BritMums Live last year and had such a blast I couldn't miss this year's event!

Are you attending both days?

Of course... I may miss the BiBs again though, as last year TJ and I took advantage of a night in London on our own and went out for a romantic dinner... this is much needed in my eyes and we may well do it again!

I'm hoping I am on time this year to hear both keynote speeches and don't have to run off and miss the bloggers keynote this year either. We are better off this year financially, so I can rest assured that TJ will actually be able to afford to do something in London over the two days whilst I am at the conference, whereas last year all he could do was wander around and look at all the things he couldn't afford to do! This means I won't feel so guilty about staying on longer at the event.

What are you most looking forward to at BritMums Live 2013?

Hopefully seeing some of the bloggers I met last year (and have come to know better through the year through their blogs), meeting new bloggers I don't know about and finding their blogs to add to my reader, meeting Cherry Menlove (who I have followed for years but not yet met - it's almost like meeting a movie star!) and just listening to all the amazing talks and workshops. 

What are you wearing?

No idea... I'd like to wear something summery as I have far nicer things in my summer wardrobe than my winter one. I'm hoping for a summer dress or skirt and t-shirt combo, because that's what I love most about summer. But if it's cold and drizzly I shall be in leggings or jeans!

What do you hope to gain from BritMums Live 2013?

The confidence to be who I am, to move this blog in a way that reflects my passions and enables me to explore the best things about blogging. I feel I have gone off track a lot, and want to make the move away from trying to "be like everyone else". I had a boost like this from last year's conference and I am hoping for a similar one this year.

That and finding out how everyone else does this :)

Edited to add: I have been feeling increasingly unsure about blogging of late... I've reached a point where I am just not sure if it is the right thing to do (and after 7 years of blogging this is something I never thought I'd feel). I just don't know what I want from it and whether the time investment and sharing everything so openly is right. I feel too much like I get drawn into trying to be "more" than I am with it, and that makes me nervous. So I am really hoping BML will help me come to some kind of peace about this, one way or another!

Tell us one thing about you that not everyone knows

Um, I'm pretty honest on the blog so not sure what I haven't mentioned before... let me think...

I wrote a novel (well first part of a multi-part novel) and uploaded it on Authonomy in 2010, but have not looked at it or worked on it since. One day I shall look at it again.

Happy Beltane 2013!

 

Beltane is, in the Pagan Wheel of the Year, the day we celebrate the return of the summer (isn't that much needed right now?)

As I've written before, Tim and I feel drawn to a Pagan way of living, in that we love the sense of living in harmony with nature and the seasons and looking after ourselves and our earth because we see it all as being part of the whole. For us, following this way of life is about honouring life itself, and in doing so honouring the sacred that is all around us. 

This is an extension of what I have been doing for years and it is just nice to find a group of like-minded people. For me, God is all around us, in everything, creating everything, cherishing everything, and loving everything. That is why I love the beautiful symbolism of the progression of the seasons through the stages of the Goddess' life, from maiden to mother to crone. 

At Beltane, the God begins courting the Goddess and this time of year is all about fertility. Seedlings are beginning to grow, flowers are beginning to bloom, life begins to flourish after the harsh months of the winter. It is a glorious time of refreshment and looking forwards to the warmth of summer and the abundance of autumn yet to come. 

 

This time last year we travelled to Glastonbury and celebrated Beltane there. Though we had been to Glastonbury before, it was our first experience of being there during a festival. And the place was buzzing. I felt truly emotional at times, because the love and joy was so embracing. It was a wonderful tonic after a couple of really tough years for us - a winter (if you will) that had lasted far too long!

We had hoped to return this year as well, but things didn't work out that way. We both felt a slight pang when we realised Beltane was coming up and we were still at home. But it worked out for the best as Little Man came down with a stomach bug Saturday night and we spent Sunday (my birthday) doing load after load of laundry and praying that his symptoms would soon ease. 

Thankfully, though still tender, Little Man is well on his way to recovery. And TJ and I have started to smudge the house with the Beltane incense we bought in Glastonbury last year and are having a massive "Spring Clean" which started a few weeks ago and is finally starting to get near completion. 

 

I feel like the light is finally starting to break through and we're finally starting to cast off the physical, mental and emotional traumas that have so darkened our lives in the past few years. We're letting go of the fear and anger and grief and starting to embrace the hope and joy and returning to a place where we want to celebrate the spiritual in our everyday lives.

We still have a way to go, but this Beltane I feel like we are further on than we were last year and hopefully by next Beltane we'll be even more refreshed in our souls. Cycles of life happen continually and they don't always take the same amount of time. Our physical seasons happen on a yearly basis, and yet even they can get slightly out of whack, just look how long this winter has lasted! And just like in the Wheel of the Year, we can personally go from Winter to Spring to Summer and then back to Winter again. Hard times crop up throughout our lives, but I like to think that we learn from early Winters how to stock up on reserves and enjoy the summer sun and the autumn harvest when they are here, so that when Winter does arrive we have the energy to get through it.

 

And that's exactly what I plan on doing this year!

Happy Beltane everyone x

Out in the Garden

Oh my... hasn't it been wonderful to have a little bit of sunshine the odd few days over the past week or two? I was beginning to think that we'd never see the end of Winter!

I never realised how much the weather affected my mood until we had such a long, drawn-out Winter and I felt the desperate need for a bit of Spring air. And now it is here, my mood has lifted magnificently.

The combination of a bit of warmth and Real Nappy Week has reminded me of the good things in life, the reason I want to look after our beautiful earth, and has inspired me to get out in the garden and plant, plant, plant.

We have a tiny garden, and today we are having a new fence put up at the back. The soil is very heavy clay and a nightmare to work. But when the sun shines it is a little sun-trap and I want us to make the most of it.

Little Man has thoroughly enjoyed spending time outdoors, and I hope to make the garden somewhere we can spend a fair bit of time. I took a million photos and am going to do a big photo dump today, because the photos just make me so happy. I've fallen off the bandwagon with Mamtography (I take the photos but rarely find time to post them regularly) so hopefully this will make up for the lack of photos lately.

Enjoy!

 

 

Our Cloth Story - Battles with a Heavy Wetter (Real Nappy Week 2013)

As it's Real Nappy Week in the UK this week, I thought it a good time to write about our ongoing issues with trying to find nappies that can cope with our super heavy wetter.

Please see bottom of post for disclaimer regarding links within the text.

Although, as you will read, I was determined to use cloth for a variety of reasons, we have never managed to go "full-time" and still use disposables as night time and when out and about (eg at the childminders). It pains me that we still have to buy disposables when I would have loved to use cloth all the time, but as you'll find out it has not been easy finding nappies to suit our Little Man.

I knew I wanted to use cloth a long time before I had Little Man. I had come across some of the most gorgeously soft bamboo nappies whilst working in my first nursery and I was sold. As the mother of that particular baby once said, "don't you wish your own knickers were that soft?" 

And for several years I was convinced that when I had a baby I would opt for bamboo nappies just like the ones I had seen.

However, during my pregnancy I became aware that even in the years between my working in that nursery and falling pregnant there had been huge advances in the styles of cloth nappies available. I was suddenly thrown into a whirlwind of prefolds, pockets, fitteds, all-in-ones (AIOs), all-in-twos (AI2s) and wool soakers as well as the good old fashioned waterproof wrap. 

I didn't know where to begin and as I felt pretty darn rough during my pregnancy I just bought a budget box of prefolds and wraps for a newborn and we went from there.

We only used the prefolds a couple of times, as I just didn't get on with cloth from the start. There were too many things I had to contend with as a new mum and washing nappies wasn't high on my agenda. So by the time we did get around to using cloth, Little Man (who had been 9lbs 6oz at birth) had outgrown the newborn wraps and needed something bigger.

We opted to try some pocket nappies, as they were supposed to last from birth-to-potty (BTP) due to some nifty poppers designed to help adjust the nappy to each stage. However, as money was tight at that point and we didn't want to buy lots that might not suit us, we bought some eBay cheapies. 

The nappies were really cute and a lovely fit, but there was just one problem: Little Man was outpeeing the microfibre inserts far too quickly.

We continued trying to use them, even putting the cotton prefolds in for an extra boost, but as Little Man continued to guzzle his milk (by the time we started introducing solids at 6 months he was up to 6 x 9oz bottles each day) the problem only got worse.

So, upon one of our trips to a local health food store, we discovered some bamboo fitteds by Motherease on offer. We thought we'd give them a try as again they were supposed to fit from birth-to-potty and we were glad we did. The extra absorbency of the bamboo seemed to really help, and the Motherease wraps were quite simply "bomb-proof". 

After a shaky start we began to realise that cloth nappies may well be possible for us after all, and when Little Lamb had their bamboo fitteds on offer (this time sized instead of BTP), we bought 20 of them to build up a working stash. 

It turned out that we did end up using the bamboo nappies, just like I always thought we would... only this was through necessity rather than choice. The bamboo fitteds were super soft, but I'd been introduced to the gorgeous designs of modern cloth nappies and I was sad that we were missing out somehow.

Still, a few cute wraps from Blueberry cheered up the mix a bit!

I was lucky enough to be given a snazzy Itti Bitti Tutto to try on Little Man for my very first Mother's Day but unfortunately despite trying several of these on various occasions they just do not cope with Little Man's mega pees. Such a shame and we are looking to sell ours on very shortly.

So it seemed we would be stuck with the fitteds forever and whilst this was okay (we were happy to be using cloth), using a two part system (nappy and wrap) was a little difficult with a boy who was learning to love his freedom of movement and would rarely lay still long enough for a nappy change.

And as he was growing at an alarming rate he also seemed to outgrow his Little Lamb size 2s by the time he hit his first birthday (the Little Lamb website states that size 2s usually fit most kids until potty training, although they do sell a few size 3s!) 

At this point, I didn't want to have to buy another 20 nappies in a larger size, so we took all the boosters we had (as even with bamboo fitteds we had to add extra boosters) and found all the eBay cheapies and other pre-loved pockets we had bought early on, and gave them a try. And for a while, it seemed like we might have cracked it!

The last 6 months have been spent trying to find the most absorbent combination of boosting for Little Man's pockets without making them too bulky. Anything less than 3 layers is useless. We've tried 3 layers of bamboo. We've tried 2 layers of bamboo and a zorb booster. We've tried 2 layers of bamboo and a hemp booster. But mostly we have struggled to find anything that can cope with 2-3 hours of usage. 

I'm not sure if the issue is just that he is still peeing loads (sometimes all 3 layers are soaked through) or whether it is a fit issue as occasionally only 2 layers are soaked but he still leaks and I think this is because the extra boosting makes the nappy so bulky it doesn't fit as well around his waist and legs, so we get leakage there.

Basically, we're looking at having to return to the bamboo fitteds. 

And that would be fine... if it weren't for the fact that Little Man has already started to try and make himself pee whenever we take his nappy off, making me wonder whether he's going to want to start potty training within the next 6-12 months. Do I really want to buy 20 new nappies for such a short time, especially as he will be our only child and therefore they will not be used again?

I know you can sell nappies and recoup some of the initial outlay. But it is a bit of a gamble as to whether the fitteds will work any better than the pockets. And I'm not quite sure what to do next.

We are going to get our Little Lamb size 2s from the loft to give them another try for absorbency before making a decision... I'm actually hoping that maybe he has changed shape and they may fit him well enough for a trial run. Who knows? 

But for all the troubles we've had, I'm glad we chose to try cloth and stuck with it. It makes me happy, and that's what matters.

So, tell me, do you use cloth? What are your favourites styles and retailers? Do you use WAHM (work-at-home-mum) designs? Do you make your own cloth? I'd love to hear from you!

Disclaimer: links provided in this post are for example only, so that you can see the type of nappy I am talking about. You can buy these nappies from many different online retailers and local shops, so please do have a look around to find out all your options. This post has no affiliation to any product or retailer and is simply the experience we have had as a family.

Thoughts on Mother's Day

I cannot describe to you just how much I love this boy of mine.

He means the world to me. Every single day. But I cannot help but think about how truly blessed I am to be his mother on Mother's Day.

Being a mother is hard work. It is exhausting, relentless and sometimes the hardest thing in the world. And yet, it is also one of the most beautiful and rewarding things and for that I shall never lose my gratitude for the opportunity to be somebody's mother...

And, boy, did I get one gorgeous boy to mother!

But it isn't always so simple. Mother's Day can bring about so many raw emotions for so many women (and those who love them). Women who have lost their own mothers. Those who are desperate to become a mother but for one reason or another cannot. And for any mother who has lost a child, the day must be full of emotion too.

Then there are those children in care who are desperate for a mother to love and cherish them, to be all a mother is supposed to be, to have someone to call "mum" whenever they want or need to. And yet, even following adoption, there must be complex feelings revolving around their birth mum... I've been reading a few blogs lately that have highlighted that to me.

So today, whilst I am enjoying the welcome break from motherly duties, lovingly provided by TJ as a treat, I cannot help but reflect on how truly lucky I am to have been given the opportunity to enjoy Mother's Day this year and last without any heartache mixed in. 

We've had to make some tough choices about our future as a family and we still don't know what the future holds. We may never get the joy of sharing our lives with another child, or we may open our hearts and homes to a child for whom Mother's Day can bring up some very real and raw emotions. But either way, I shall endeavour to always remember how incredibly blessed we have been and keep everything in perspective as much as we can.

We've had a rough ride as a family, but for today I am living in gratitude for all that we have been given.

Lent: Giving Up Social Network

This morning I read a new blog by someone I know on twitter. It's called Mummy Loves Cake. And today's post gave me some food for thought...

Sacrificing Social Network is a pre-Lent post about the choice to spend the next 40 days without (or with less) time spent on places like Twitter and Facebook. It's a great read and one I think many of us who frequent these sites can relate to. I knew I was spending more time checking updates on my phone than I really should, but it wasn't until my phone was stolen at the beginning of the month that I realised just how much more time I had without it!

I've talked about cutting off social media before and my thoughts on this are still very much the same: although Facebook and Twitter are great connectors, they are also great time-wasters. I have less time than ever with working part time, writing the book and fitting both in around my family life, so I don't want to waste time really. But giving up social media is a scary prospect. After all, I am trying my hardest to campaign for Pregnancy Sickness Support in various ways and am also trying to promote awareness of the book I am writing so that when I finally get my book proposal completed I can include the advantages of taking me on as a writer (i.e. I have a sound online presence). So cutting off an avenue like Twitter is a major thing!

But more and more I have been feeling lately that the time I spend reading updates on Twitter and following links takes up the time I could be spending on here (the blog), documenting our life as a family and making a memory book of sorts for us to look back on. And it certainly takes up time I could spend out and about with my little family. Twitter may only give you 140 characters, but with so many people writing regular updates, it can be hard to keep up.

I have missed important blog posts from bloggers I truly love because of the overflow of other information popping onto my screen. And I want to change that, to return to the more intimate nature of blogging and actually spending time emailing, hand-writing notes, and actually calling people.

So I'm making a concerted effort, for Lent, following the inspiration I found this morning. I know that cutting off Facebook and Twitter entirely could be totally counter-productive. They do have their uses. So I shall check in to Facebook once a day (at most) to check no one has messaged me. But nothing more. No reading timelines or scouring group feeds. This is something I have been working towards for a while anyway, so won't be a big deal. As for Twitter, I shall check my emails for any mentions or direct messages, but other than that I shall try my hardest to stay away. It will give me a good break!

Yesterday I updated my blog reader. I took out blog feeds that I just never check and made sure it was only the people I truly want to follow. I know it sounds harsh, but it was a good feeling to get back to basics. I'm making time to keep up with those few people I care about and getting rid of the ones I just always find myself skimming. 

This, on top of changes to my working hours, changes to TJ's working hours and the fact that we are giving up our cable subscription at the end of this month and not installing the aerial straight away will hopefully mean a better balance for us as a family. It'll be an interesting experiment, if nothing else!

So tell me... do you find yourself sucked into social media far too easily? And are you giving anything up for Lent?

2013: A Year Full of Hope?

It feels like I haven't blogged in ages, and looking back it appears I truly haven't (aside from a couple of hyperemesis posts at the beginning of December). This is mostly because I started my new job in November and between the changes this brought about in our family life and the fact Christmas seemed to appear out of nowhere this year, I just haven't had the time to get online.

But I couldn't let the end of the year pass without some reflection on the events and feelings my little family has experienced this year. It may not have felt much like Christmas this year, but the past couple of days I've been feeling the very real and familiar sense of a new beginning creeping in, something I associate very clearly with the week between Christmas and New Year...

This time last year I wanted to desperately believe that 2012 would be our year, the year that things began to change. And I think this has happened to quite a large extent... But it has not been easy at all! This year, though, I truly believe that we have reached the "tipping point" and that 2013 is going to bring about a lot more peace for us as a family and as individuals.

I believe in the cycles of life, whether they are a day, a month, a year or more! There has been a lot of talk over the past month about the Mayan calendar, which to me is just another cycle. When I look back there have been many cycles in my life, of differing lengths, in which certain challenges and life experiences have played out. One such cycle feels like it is finally drawing to a close and a fresh cycle beginning. In the past five years, ever since Tim and I met, we have both suffered with our health in various ways, causing us both to change aspects of our lives. This is a very sim plistic way of expressing this, but I do not feel the need to dwell on this aspect for long right now. I just wanted to mention it as I feel it was instrumental in us both finally making changes in our lives that have brought us to.this point.

2013 feels full of hope to me. It feels like a year in which positive change will lead to much needed healing. It feels like a year when loose ends will start to be gathered together. And it feels like the year our hopes and dreams of the past five years will start to take root and blossom.

I'm not kidding myself... I know very clearly that change isn't easy. But I still feel very positive about the year we are about to enter. Does anyone else feel this way too?

It's December!!

How on earth did this happen?

I went for an interview on 1st November, and now I've just completed my second week at work, TJ has the chance of a new job in the new year, and it's almost Christmas... um, where did that last month go? And how did so much happen so quickly?

This all means, of course, that I am way behind in preparing for the fun of Christmas. We'll be celebrating both the Winter Solstice and Christmas this year (TJ is off but I am working on 21st and I am off but TJ is working on 25th... confusing, huh?!)

Little Man is a tad too young to enjoy it all this year, but we're still going to have a blast. And then, come the New Year, I have some thoughts and ideas I'd like to put into place. So fingers crossed I find the time...

I couldn't let the first day of Advent pass by without a quick update, but really there isn't much to say other than we're all super busy, I am so far behind on Christmas prep that it is scary, and I'm too busy enjoying some "me time" after the past few hectic weeks that I can't think of much more to say. So, sorry for the slightly bizarre post, I'll be back soon with some more cohesive blogging!!

Happy Advent Everybody...

 

Faith without Religion

I've been thinking a lot about faith and religion lately. Until earlier this year I didn't really feel like I belonged to any specific community. I had my faith, but it was my faith which kept me from fitting in to many more "mainstream" religions. And though I missed the community aspect, this wasn't a big deal for me. Until I had Little Man.

It strikes me that by having no religion as such I am "going it alone" in terms of introducing the idea of faith and God and everything else to Little Man. There are very few resources available (that I have found) which offer suggestions and age-appropriate stories and games which could introduce the thoughts and ideas to him, without coming from a very specific religious background. And as I believe faith is unique and do not want to push any one path upon Little Man, this concerned me.

So I was immensely glad when I found out more about the Unitarians this year and that TJ has shown a real interest in Paganism. I guess these two come under the umbrella term of "religion" but still they don't have the same religious concepts as many others do. The Unitarians believe you should actively seek your own experience and understanding of the Divine, whilst Paganism is such a varied path that to define a Pagan is quite challenging. 

There is no "standard teaching", no tagline which defines these two. And that is what makes me feel so comfortable with them. My own experience of faith and God has been that it cannot be squashed into any human terms, not fully. We can try to define the Divine in our own way and I think it is an important thing for us to do personally, but we cannot define it for another. For me, no one religion or person has the whole "truth". We all find aspects of the Divine that are important and appropriate for us in our current circumstances. To me, God is so huge that to claim we know exactly who and what he is and what he wants from us is to limit the unlimitless. 

But then, that is something I have come to understand over many years of experience and thinking. How do I express that very thing to Little Man? How do I show him that this is what mama believes, this is what daddy believes, but what he believes is more important for him? He isn't old enough for that kind of understanding just yet. So where do we start?

And yet, when I think back I realise that religion didn't really play a huge part in my early childhood either. My family weren't religious. I heard the odd Bible story at school but that was about it. And yet I have always had this immense faith that God was there, I was never alone, and that there was a purpose and flow to everything even if I couldn't see it at that time. This has obviously evolved and developed as I grew older, but the basis has always been there.

So maybe as children we are more aware of the Divine than we realise and faith develops anyway, whether we offer up teaching through a religion or not. Perhaps I need not worry so much about how and what to teach Little Man and just concentrate on living life through my own faith and seeing where that leads us. 

What do you think? Do you belong to a religion? How do you/did you raise your children? What resources have you found which help you in this?

Blogging About Faith

Let me start by saying a big HELLO to anyone who is visiting The Patch for the very first time, following the latest changes here. 

For those of you who have been following events at The Patch for a while, you'll know that I have hinted about faith in our lives on more than one occasion, but never quite managed to take the "leap of faith" it required to focus on it in more detail.

These past couple of years in particular have made me realise that I need to write more about our faith, because it is that very thing which has helped us survive the trauma of my pregnancy and has shaped the parenting style we have developed with Little Man. 

TJ and I have been feeling we really need to "live our faith more". That isn't to say that we haven't relied on our faith in the past. It has inspired us and kept us going on many occasions. But we haven't been very good at either celebrating it or speaking about it. And we want to change this.

We want to raise Little Man in a family environment where the spiritual is part of everyday life. Where he is actively encouraged to develop his own understanding of the Divine (as he grows I know this will adapt and change with his ability to understand things in different ways). And ultimately we want him to know that it is safe and okay to choose his own path, whatever that may be.

I follow a Unitarian style of thinking, with a Pagan slant. TJ is much more orientated in the Pagan, especially Druid, sphere. Both paths fit in very nicely with each other and allow us to speak openly amongst ourselves. However I know that as Little Man grows he is going to face more "mainstream" religions and I want us to be able to guide him to make his own choice (not ours) on what he feels is right for him. And to do this we need to encourage both active celebration of our own faith and an interest in the faiths of others.

I have always been very hesitant about talking about these things on the blog. But I feel the time is right to let go of my inhibitions and truly use the blog as a place to explore the various aspects of our life as a family (in spiritual terms) and also the questions that pop up from time to time in my life. I think about very deep things on a very regular basis and it is about time I expressed them a little more. After all, if I cannot do it on my own blog, how will I be able to do it with any kind of success when Little Man does start asking the "big questions"? 

So that is why The Patch has had a revamp. I feel excited about this new branch I am taking. I hope that you will join me once in a while as I blog more about faith and parenting.