The Family Patch

Hyperemesis Gravidarum: List of Support Groups, Charities, Blogs and Resources

Following on from yesterday's post, I thought it would be helpful to create a "go to" list of resources that can offer support, information and personal accounts of what it is like to suffer from Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

These are all groups, blogs and resources I have come across in the past year while researching for the book I am writing. If you know of any others that I have missed, or have a blog of your own, please do send them to me via my contact form or on twitter. 

 

Charities and Support Groups

UK Based

Pregnancy Sickness Support is a national charity here in the UK that aims to inform and support women, their families, and those involved in their care. They have a wealth of information on their website and run a volunteer support network and a telephone helpline. 

Pregnancy Sickness SOS is another UK based site providing information on HG.

US Based

The Hyperemesis Education and Research Foundation (Her) is a US based site which also has a huge range of information, research and support available for sufferers, their families and healthcare providers.

The Ayden Rae Foundation is an organisation that is fighting hard to aid the discovery of a cause and cure for HG. 

Beyond Morning Sickness is a site dedicated to raising awareness and sharing the stories of HG survivors. There is a book of the same name, which many HG sufferers read and rely on, and which was the inspiration for producing a UK based book (which is what I am currently working on). 

Canadian

The Motherisk Program in Canada carries out lots of research into pregnancy complications and possible treatment options for them, including HG. Some of their research is included below.

European

Steunpunt HG is a Dutch website offering support and information to HG sufferers.

 

Support Groups

UK Based

Pregnancy Sickness Support (Hyperemesis) UK (Facebook Group) 

Partners' Pregnancy Sickness Sickness Support (HG) UK (Facebook Group)

Mumsnet Hyperemesis Support Board

BabyCentre Hyperemesis Group

US Based

HelpHer Forums

 

Resources

NVP and HG "Cheat Sheet" 

I wrote this "cheat sheet" as part of the book and have reproduced it as a PDF download for easy access. 

Diary for NVP and HG symptoms

Pregnancy Sickness Support have put together this fantastic printable weekly diary for monitoring symptoms of nausea and vomiting during pregnancy. 

 

Blogs

Instead of splitting this group according to country, I have decided to make two groups: "current blogs" (those which have been updated recently) and "archived blogs" (those which have not been updated in the past 3 months, but may still be of interest). 

Current Blogs

HG Survivor

Beadzoid

Mother Eartha's Blog

My Story of Hyperemesis

Knocked Up Knocked Over

Hyperemesis Gravidarum: Through The Fog 

The Leaky Boob

Spewing Mummy

 

Archived Blogs

Midwife to Mum

HG Sucks

My Friend Zofran

HGDad

Hyperemesis Gravidarum: A Journey Through Our Second Pregnancy

Hyperemesis Heroine

Baby You're Making Me Sick

 

Twitter Feeds

The following people on twitter are very active in the HG community

@HGSupportUK 

@AydenRaeFDN 

@Jenni_Wynne 

@pwynne82 

@JaynieN 

@Angeline1611 

@pandabear_rocks 

@KnockedUp_Over

@MumtoAandB

 @HGHusband

 @Mum2LilyandPops

@lauren___d

@Comfortably_Mum

@midwifetomum

 

As with anything, this is not an exhaustive list. Please, please do let me know if you have any other links I can add to this post!

Related articles

Hyperemesis Gravidarum: The Importance of Awareness and Accurate Reporting

Hyperemesis Gravidarum: The Importance of Awareness and Accurate Reporting

I'm pretty sure that most people have heard the news about the Duchess of Cambridge being admitted to hospital for Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). I'm also just as sure that many are thinking "oh just get over it!" because that is the reality of HG, hardly anyone knows what it is or understands how truly awful it is. And unfortunately, with the media spewing out misinformation a mile a minute by using terms such as "acute morning sickness" and inviting doctors onto their shows who obviously have no experience with treating HG, this isn't going to change very fast.

And so, as a HG survivor who has dedicated most of the first year of her child's life to researching about the condition, writing a book about it, networking with others and raising awareness, I feel it is time to turn over my blog for a while to the subject.

So let's start by passing on my sincerest best wishes and support to the Duchess. Hyperemesis is a truly awful condition, terrifying in its severity, isolating in the fact no one understand what you're going through, and a battle from start to finish. If, like most of us, her symptoms peak between around 7 and 10 weeks, it is going to get worse before it gets better, and could be with her throughout the entire pregnancy. And she has to do this all in the public eye. My heart goes out to her, as it does to any woman suffering from HG!

So what is it? 

Well, for starters, it is a severe form of Nausea and Vomiting of Pregnancy (NVP). The term itself basically translates as lots of vomiting (hyperemesis) in pregnancy (gravidarum). It is not "morning sickness", in fact we need to get away from using that term altogether. It is an outdated term, that trivialises the condition, not only for those with HG but also those with mild-moderate symptoms.

NVP affects up to around 80% of all pregnant women in some form or another. Perhaps this is why there is so much judgement and so little support and understanding for those with more severe forms, as anyone who has "felt a little queasy" for a few months may find it difficult to equate their experience to that of another. However, around 30% of women require time off work to cope with their symptoms, and 35% have symptoms that are of clinical experience. So whilst only around 1% of women suffer from HG, NVP is still nothing to be laughed at!

For those 1% who do develop HG, their pregnancy can go from joyous to a nightmare in a matter of days. The severity of sickness doesn't just build up slowly, it can go from next-to-nothing, to manageable, to totally debilitating within a week. So for all those who wonder how the Duchess could have been so very active and well last week and hospitalised this week, that is why.

Thankfully, since the invention of IV hydration, HG is not the life-threatening illness it once was. However there is still a major need for treatment. Women with HG become dehydrated easily, they can suffer from electrolyte imbalances which can lead to further complications, and they can lose weight extremely quickly. HG is often described as being present in women who lose more than 5% of their pre-pregnancy weight, but many women lose double this amount and more.

IV hydration and anti-emetic medication can help to control the symptoms and make eating and drinking more manageable for the HG sufferer, but unfortunately due to so much misinformation and a fear of treating pregnant women, many have to fight for the treatment they need and deserve. This should not be the case! There is plenty of research out there that includes safety data of various anti-emetic medications and the importance of timely treatment. I have included links to some of these at the bottom of this post.

There is a lack of awareness in the medical community. Many GPs and midwives continue to treat women with HG as having "morning sickness", giving out the usual advice of "eating little and often" and trying "ginger", neither of which are helpful for a woman who is vomiting multiple times each day and unable to function. There is a real need for better education on the condition, and it seems there is also a very real need to raise awareness of it in the media as well.

I feel both sorry for the Duchess and relieved that it is finally being covered by the media. But we have a long way to go. Even the BBC is using the term "acute morning sickness", and this needs to change. The charity Pregnancy Sickness Support, who I am closely connected to, are working tirelessly to change this. But we need help. We need you to retweet, to reblog, to share on other social media sites, to work with us to effect change.

Please don't just read this news and think "poor Kate" and then forget about it. HG affects a woman for life. Antenatal Depression, Postnatal Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder often accompany a HG pregnancy. Women and their families affected by it are left with the awful decision of whether to face another pregnancy to expand their family or choose not to have any more children. It doesn't end after 9 months. So please, read about it and spread the word.

For more information check out:

Pregnancy Sickness Support

Hyperemesis Gravidarum: List of Support Groups, Charities, Blogs and Resources

My info page on Hyperemesis Gravidarum

The Hardest Decision (my post on choosing not to have another pregnancy)

Time for the truth about Kate Middleton and Hyperemesis Gravidarum (my article on iVillageUK about the need for support for Kate, not judgement!)

please feel free to email me your own links to add!

References:

Asker C, Nordstedt Wikner B, and Källén B. 2005 Use of antiemetic drugs during pregnancy in Sweden. European Journal of Clinical Pharmacology 2005; 61: 899-906

Christodoulou-Smith J et al. 2011 Posttraumatic stress symptoms following pregnancy complicated by hyperemesis gravidarum. The Journal of Maternal-Fetal and Neonatal Medicine

Ebrahimi et al. 2009 Nausea and vomiting of pregnancy: using the 24-hour Pregnancy-Unique Quantification of Emesis (PUQE-24) scale. Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology Canada 31 (9): 803-7

Einarson et al. 2004 The safety of Ondansetron for nausea and vomiting of pregnancy: a prospective comparative study. BJOG: an International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology 111: 940-943

Farrell N. 2008 Hyperemesis gravidarum: how midwives can help. The Practising Midwife, 11: 12-14

Gadsby R and Barnie-Adshead AM. 2011 Nausea and Vomiting of Pregnancy a Literature Review. Pregnancy Sickness Support Website

Ismail SK and Kenny L. 2007 Review on hyperemesis gravidarum. Best Practise & Research Clinical Gastroenterology 21 (5): 755-769

Jarvis S and Nelson-Piercy C. 2011 Management of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy Clinical Review article. British Medical Journal, 2011-12-23, 342; 1407-1412

Koren G et al. 2005 Validation studies of the Pregnancy Unique-Quantification of Emesis (PUQE) scores. Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology 2005; 25 (3): 241-244

Koren G. and Maltepe C. 2004 Preemptive Therapy for Severe Nausea and Vomiting of Pregnancy and Hyperemesis Gravidaum. Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology 2004; 24; 500-503

Matok I et al. 2009 The Safety of Metoclopramide Use in the First Trimester of Pregnancy. The New England Journal of Medicine 2009; 360: 2528-35

Mazzotta P and Magee LA. 2000 A Risk-Benefit Assessment of Pharmacological and Nonpharmacological Treatments for Nausea and Vomiting of Pregnancy. Drugs 2000, 59 (4;) 781-800

McCarthy FP et al. 2011 A Prospective Cohort Study Investigating Associations between Hyperemesis Gravidarum and Cognitive Behavioural and Emotional Well-Being in Pregnancy. Plos One, 6: 7.

McParlin C, Graham RH, and Robson SC. 2008 Caring for women with nausea and vomiting in pregnancy: new approaches. British Journal of Midwifery 2008; 16 (5)

The Hardest Decision (HG)

If you haven't been following this blog for long enough to know about our Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) journey, then you can catch up here.

I've been wanting to write this post for a few days now but really wasn't sure how to start. So let's go straight in at the crux of the matter: TJ and I made a promise to ourselves last week that we will never put ourselves (and Little Man and our families) through another pregnancy.

We've been going backwards and forwards between "never again" and "but we might want another child". Okay, who am I kidding? I've always imagined having 2 or 3 children and the thought of stopping at one is a very hard one to get my head (and heart) around. But HG made our life such hell that even I began to believe the "never again" option...

And so when that jealousy and anguish started to kick in when Little Man was just a few months old, when I realised I'd never get to experience the newborn stage again, never get to give birth again and cherish those first few hours with my baby, I lost my resolve. I began to believe that if we planned everything meticulously it might be possible. It certainly seemed preferable to that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I heard of another friend having a baby or saw a random pregnant lady walking about town with a smile on her face.

But the more we talked about it and the more I researched it the scarier the whole thing became. We realised that we would have to wait until Little Man was in full-time education (so almost 5 thanks to him being a September baby) and that we'd have to spend a good year prior to trying to conceive preparing ourselves and Little Man physically, mentally and emotionally. 

It would mean potentially getting my health to a certain level only to risk it dropping to one of its lowest points again. And it's not as if my health is great at the best of times! I've had difficulties with my periods since they began in my early teens, but in the past 5-10 years they have really taken a toll on me. And not surprising when I realised that the pain I felt with my Endometriosis was akin to the pain experienced in labour! I had been going to school, university and work for years in the same level of pain as early labour, only thinking to take the day off when it got to the level of transitional labour. And doing that month in and month out, especially when I'd sometimes only go 2 or 3 weeks between periods, has taken it's toll.

So my recovery from pregnancy has been a slow one, what with the reappearance of my periods at 3 months post-partum, complete with nausea. 

And then there are the other factors playing against us. Things like my increased risk of an ectopic pregnancy (thanks to damage from the Endo to one of my fallopian tubes) and the risk of possibly developing Obstetric Cholestasis again. And I was considered at risk of developing Pre-eclampsia throughout my last pregnancy so may well have that as a factor again. And all of this made me begin to think that there were just far too many reasons not to have another pregnancy than to do it all again.

We were lucky that I fell pregnant quickly last time and that Little Man came out healthy and strong. There is no guarantee we'd have the same luck a second time. And the emotional trauma that both TJ and I experienced is ongoing. The guilt I feel at having put us both through it once is bad enough. And that was with going into it having no idea how bad it would be. To do it a second time knowing just how bad it could be, well that would just be too much.

So logically the decision makes perfect sense. 

And yet it is one of the hardest, if not the hardest things I have ever had to do. 

My head and my heart have been at war. And it was tearing me apart. So it felt like a relief to make a final decision, rather than going back and forth between one choice and the other. But it still hurts. 

One of the things I had to do in my CBT sessions recently was write a list of "I deserve..." and it was hard. What I wanted to write was, "I deserve to be healthy. I deserve to have another baby. I deserve to enjoy pregnancy". But I couldn't, because I know that it really isn't likely. Endo continues to affect my health and even if I had another baby of my own it is highly likely it would be a battle rather than a joy. 

According to my therapist, this is the point. These are things that I should be able to write, even if they aren't likely. That I should feel justified in the pain and sadness it brings knowing that these are things I should be able to experience. But it doesn't change the reality...

But even though it is hard, I know it is the right decision for my family. The pain at not having the chance to do all those things connected to carrying and giving birth to your own baby is far less than the pain we could feel by trying to do it all again in spite of all the things against us.

It hurts to know I'll never get to breastfeed another baby, especially as we had such troubles when Little Man was young. It hurts to know we'll never get to go to another scan, to see our baby for the first time, to choose a name and prepare our hearts and lives for a new baby. It hurts in a way that I know some people will know in their own hearts, but so many others will never understand. Not fully.

We feel blessed that Endometriosis didn't rob us of my fertility, but at the same time it is a leading contributor to the decision to never do it again. The time it takes for me to recover from pregnancy and the risk of Ectopic pregnancies that it has caused combined with the risk of complications during pregnancy makes me feel like, in some way, we have more in common with those who physically cannot have a baby than those who can. Because we feel it is an option we just cannot take, however much we'd like to.

But where does that leave us for support? We could try for another baby, so don't really have infertility issues. We're not actively trying and unable to. But choosing not to is not our first choice. 

This is why it is so important for me to dedicate as much of my time and energy to raising awareness of HG and that it is so much more than "severe Nausea and Vomiting in Pregnancy". There needs to be much more understanding of just how bad it can be. There needs to be much more research into potential causes of it and possible medications to help with the severity of the symptoms. There needs to be far more support. All of this is needed to help prevent other women having to face these exact same decisions and to support them if they do.

TJ and I are heading off to the annual conference held by Pregnancy Sickness Support this month, and I am working hard on reading through as much research as I can and bringing together as many "personal experiences" as possible from other HG sufferers and survivors to ensure the book I am writing is as accurate, informative, supportive and representative as possible. It is a big task but it is one close to my heart.

And having this project helps, in a small way, to give meaning to all of this. As a writer, this is an ideal project for me. It gives a purpose to my work. And gives me something positive to focus on rather than only the negative.

TJ and I still have a lot of healing to do. And we still have some big decisions to make. The biggest of all being do we remain as a one child family, or do we look into fostering and/or adoption. And I'm sure I'll be writing about this a lot over the next few years. But for now, we've made the hardest decision of all. Little Man is to be our only biological child. Our journey of creating a family in the natural way is over. And that is taking some getting used to...

NB: I must add here that since writing this I have done much more research and we have discovered just how badly managed my pregnancy was and how we could potentially have a better experience a second time round, is still difficult. So we have opened it up to a "maybe" again, however not for several more years yet!!

2011 - The Year in Review

Last year in November I looked back at 2010 to see how things had changed in that year. I thought given how much has happened this year that it might be good to do the same thing as 2011 draws to a close as well. So here are the highs and lows of 2011...

Just before New Year, I painted this picture and had no idea just how quickly my prayer would be answered.

I then wrote the words, "it feels like we have come through to the end of the storm" in this post, which were perhaps those 'famous last words' as I ovulated around the 3rd or 4th of January, wrote this post on the 10th, was already beginning to feel nauseated by the 12th, got a postive pregnancy test on the 14th and had my first awful bout of sickness on 21st before being bedbound by 7th February and almost hospitalised by 22nd February. 

Because of the intensity of my sickness I had to miss my dad's award. I was so proud of him!

I then went pretty much off the radar in terms of blogging for a while. 

But then I got to write the most precious post I have ever written. I was still mighty sick at this point and got through the journey to the hospital for my scan relying on sheer willpower not to puke. 

A similar sense of determination not to throw up on the school playground got me through working at my new job which started at the end of March. 

In April I wrote a post that sparked quite a heated debate in the comments section. 

It was around that same time that we started receiving gifts for the baby. September still felt like such a long way off and I was surprised and overwhelmed by the beautiful generosity of friends and family alike. You would not believe how many beautiful gifts we have been given for Little Man.

I then wrote a post about what I hoped for my child in his or her life. This naturally led me on to wondering about how we would introduce the idea of faith to our child.

Finally we dicovered that our instincts were right and we were expecting a boy!

At 22 weeks I finally got some meds from the doctor to help with the sickness and started being able to get out of bed and do things without throwing up. We started going out and about in nature again!

It was when I started feeling better but heavier and heavier with every single day that passsed that I finally got to grips with crochet and went a bit mad with granny mandalas, crocheted crowns and baby hats. 

During those "easier" months in my pregnancy I started thinking more about other people's experiences and asked my readers for their thoughts on pregnancy.

I then went on to think about who I am and who I want to be now I am a mother. 

And this, in turn, led me to think about Endometriosis and why I had stopped writing about it due to my pregnancy.

Finally, we started to near the end of my pregnancy and took the time to take some photos to remember it by. It's hard to believe I got even bigger than I was then, but I did!

Things seemed to be going really well, and happy moments were coing thick and fast with my parents celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. 

Unfortunately our happiness was cut short with the tragic news that my cousin had died. Just yesterday TJ and I were watching our wedding video for the first time and spotted him in the background. It still shocks us to think he is gone. 

But life went on and we were happy to get a good harvest from our garden this year.

And as my due date grew ever nearer we began to plan for the birth. I finally hit "full term" but then at 38 weeks I found out I had developed Obstetic Cholestasis.

A date was booked for our induction.

And Little Man was born on 19th September!

We fell in love with our boy so quickly and easily, despite problems with colic and sleepless nights. 

However the emotional fallout of the pregnancy I had experienced started to hit us rather hard. 

But we survived and celebrated our first wedding anniversary by looking back at how far we had come together. 

We then had fun at Halloween and started thinking about Christmas preparations. 

And I found time to reflect on just how much my little boy is loved. 

And after months of fighting it, I made the decision to give up breastfeeding. I have never looked back on this decision as Little Man is so much happier on formula, however I continue to give him a comfort feed first thing in the morning and last thing at night so we still get to enjoy it even if I no longer produce a full feed's worth of milk.

Just before Christmas arrived I looked back at Little Man's first three months. 

And then the BIG DAY arrived and Little Man wore some very special clothes!

Phew. Are you still with me?

Looking back on the year reminds me just how crazy it was at times. I feel like this year dragged on so long and yet how can we be about to start a new one already?

I am finding it hard at the moment transferring all my dates from my calendar onto the new one because I keep seeing all the notes I wrote about how I was feeling, when I had doctor appointments and so on and it reminds me that this time last year I had no idea what I was about to head into. 

So I am working on entering 2012 and releasing as much of that negativity and fear as I can. I felt a certain amount of peace and gratitude the other day for what I have and felt some of the pain drifting away from me, and yet then I see a date or think of a particular event during the year and I can't help but flashback to how I felt at that point. So I think it will be a long process yet.

2011 was, in so many ways, the best year of my life. We started it with the news I was expecting a child and are ending it with the most gorgeous boy I have ever seen (ok, maybe I am a little biased there). Looking back on the posts reminds me just how worth it every single moment of pain and heartache was. I wouldn't do it again, but he was worth it. 

So, what will 2012 bring our way? 2010 saw us moving home and getting married. 2011 brought us Little Man. It may sound slightly boring but I think I might like a quieter year this year...

Then again, anyone who knows me well will know that I'm not very good with "quiet"!

So, what has 2011 meant to you? What were your highlights and low points? And what are you hoping for in 2012?

This post is part of the BritMums Blog Hop

Emotional Fallout

Hello, I'm 4 weeks old and I'm gorgeous!

I can't believe it has been 4 weeks since we met Little Man and already our life as a family of three feels so right that we cannot imagine it being any other way.

There are so many things I want to write about already, and yet it is the very fact that so much is happening in our lives that I want to write about that keeps me from writing. I am far too busy loving on my boy to get online to write these days. But I will be back soon as the things I want to write need to be written, if nothing more than to give me a record of all the things I'm thinking and feeling right now!

One of the major things which I think will take several posts to cover, is the emotional fallout of the pregnancy I had. Whilst in it I couldn't wait for it to be over and the nightmare of how ill I was to pass. I never, ever wanted to be pregnant again and although that thought hurt me inside, I was too focussed on the physical to deal with the emotional side of things (not to mention that crying made me throw up!)

But now Little Man is here and I get to fall in love with every part of him more each day I realise just how big that is. I see his tiny toes and his attempts to smile and realise we won't do this again. And that hurts. I see my sister-in-law pregnant with her third child, looking forward to the new arrival with her first two children and realise Little Man will never get to experience the anticipation of a baby brother or sister. And it hurts. But more than that, when I look at him and know he was worth every second of being so ill I feel guilty for not being willing to do it again. But I can't. I don't want to put myself or TJ through that again. Nor do I want to miss out on several months of Little Man's life through being that ill again. And that really hurts.

Deep down I know how incredibly blessed we were to fall pregnant and have a very healthy baby boy at the end of the pregnancy. Some people never get to live this dream. I will never forget that, but it doesn't stop the hurt.

And even without these aspects of the pregnancy experience I had there are still the remnants of sickness that remain 4 weeks later, the extreme exhaustion from being very ill for 9 months, and the fear surrounding both getting ill or falling pregnant again. There are certain foods I don't think I'll ever want to touch again. There are certain songs, tv programmes, and books that take me right back to the moments I listened to, watched or read them in an attempt to take my mind off how very sick I felt. And I have a feeling that certain times of the year will always remind me of my very worst days.

Don't get me wrong: I am loving being a mum and I am spending most of my days with a massive grin on my face. But the emotional fallout is still there and it hits me at the strangest of times. I imagine it will take quite some time to work through it all and I am sure I will have a lot to write about in weeks to come. But for now I just wanted to note that although I am in heaven with my baby boy, there are these emotions that need to be recognised, honoured and faced and so it may take me a while to get back to regular blogging and I may even take to blogging several posts at a time if my mind needs to get several things sorted at some point. But whichever way it happens, I will keep writing and posting photos of my dear, sweet boy!

Thank you for reading xx

Welcome Little Man!

Tomorrow (25th) should have been my due date. But due to the cholestasis, I was induced a week early.

The above photo was taken on 17th, the day before my induction. TJ and I were on a last-chance attempt to kick things off naturally by going on a ridiculously long walk and bouncing up and down on the see-saw at the park. Not an easy feat with a massive bump, I can tell you!

So Sunday 18th we went to the hospital at 8am for monitoring, and they began my induction at 9am with a low dose of prostin gel. It wasn't long before I was getting "tightenings" every 3 mins approximately, which continued throughout the day. However I was stuck at 2cm dilated for hours. 

A couple of baths, a couple of paracetamol, and lots of moving around helped with the pain but as the evening drew in I began to feel really sick. TJ went home at 8pm and throughout the night it became obvious that things were not quite going as well as they could. I was still dilating and eventually reached 5cm by about 5am, but I had also developed very high blood pressure, my heart rate was so fast they couldn't tell if the monitor was picking up mine or baby's heartbeat and I had ketones in my urine. So I was hooked up to a monitor and a drip and finally sent to the labour ward for them to break my waters and get things moving quicker.

This is just after I'd had my waters broken and before things got really intense. TJ wanted to show how many things I was hooked up to at this point. It made moving into comfortable positions difficult and once my waters were broken and the contractions coming thick and fast I started to lose control.

Everyone had been commenting up until this point how calm I was and how they found it hard to believe I had been contracting regularly and reached 5cm dilated plus feeling so sick from the way my body was reacting to the labour with having only taken a couple of paracetamol. And I had quite reasonably replied that the intensity of the pain was no worse than what I got with my periods thanks to Endometriosis and that I had been to work in worse pain than this. However, with the added pressure of baby's head finally descending fully into the pelvis and the loss of the calmer moments between contractions this soon changed!

I quickly agreed to a half dose of diamorphine thinking there was no way I could face another 12 hours being as exhausted as I was. I was slightly put out by the midwife's comments that "labour is hard" in a sort of "what do you expect" kind of way. But she was good enough to suggest a dose of anti-emetic intravenously through my drip to help ease the side effects of the diamorphine and that a lower dose should be easier to cope with.

TJ says it was like my whole body sighed when it started to kick in, but all I remember is saying "I feel really woozy, I'm going to lie down now" and crawling onto the bed. I never thought I would labour lying down, but it was truly the only way I could cope and actually it worked to my benefit. Within 2 and a half hours I had dilated the final 5cm and although the diamorphine did nothing for the pain, it did help me drift off between contractions and so I had no idea of time passing. So I relaxed and my body took over and before I knew it every time I "woke up" to a contraction my body was pushing all on its own. 

The midwife, though later telling me that I had been considered the lady least likely to deliver that day, was thrilled to see this and a quick examination showed I was ready. So I sat up to try and give birth but the urge to push disappeared. Two or three contractions later I decided to lay back down on my side and suddenly my body was pushing all on its own accord again. 

It took an hour of pushing (though it felt much shorter to me because I was still drifting off between contractions) to give birth to my boy. I remember vague things like the midwife teasing TJ about pushing along with me and her telling me she could see the head, but mostly I was just aware of letting my body do the work and not thinking too much about it. In fact I was so "in the zone" that when the midwife suddenly said "look down" and I saw my baby had been born I couldn't quite believe it!

Little Man (OJD) was born at 11.27am on Monday 19th September weighing a hefty 9lbs 6oz. Nobody could quite believe I had carried and given birth to such a big baby as I am only small myself, but here he was. Proof that no matter how sick I was throughout the pregnancy, my body had done an excellent job of providing my baby with all he needed. 

Unfortunately, I was advised to have a managed third stage because of the risk of excessive bleeding from the cholestasis and I ended up surviving the labour without being sick but then throwing up for quite some time after the birth thanks to the injection they use to get the placenta to deliver. So between that and still being very dopey from the diamorphine, I missed a lot of the first few hours and TJ was left to enjoy the "skin-to-skin" contact as I dozed.

I also had to be taken to theatre for stitching as not only was Little Man a big boy, he also came out with his hand by his head and I ended up with a third degree tear. So that was another hour I missed with him. And because I had been given diamorphine, albeit a smaller dose than normal, so close to giving birth Little Man was very sleepy too. So we didn't do huge amounts of bonding that day.

However I had to stay in hospital until Wednesday, so we spent a lot of that time getting to know each other. And daddy joined in too whenever he was visiting, and spent a lot of time just enjoying "skin-to-skin" contact with the baby boy he fell in love with so totally. 

We have been home since Wednesday afternoon and after a couple of very difficult nights when Little Man just wanted to feed constantly (which we think is his making up for not taking much over the first 24-36 hours) and my hormones going crazy and my milk coming in, we are finally starting to get to grips with being parents.

It is so different to anything I ever imagined. So precious. And so unbelievable that we have him here. 

I cannot even comprehend how my pregnancy created this beautiful boy. And I find myself blocking out the whole experience because I cannot emotionally connect the two things. I very often resented being pregnant, but I love my baby boy so much that my mind cannot find a way of accepting that the two are so closely interconnected. I find myself thinking "was it really that bad?" when I look at Little Man, but then I realise that it truly was while I was in it. It is as if I wasn't myself for 9 whole months and now I am me again, but a different me as now I am a mum.

I think it will take me a long time to come to terms with the pregnancy I had. But being a mum, well that is just the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. And it is only day 5. I'm going to treasure every single moment as I know we won't ever be doing this again and it is just so exciting to know that our baby has the whole world to discover. Being a parent has been harder than we ever imagined already, but the love it gives us is so much bigger.

I'll be back soon with some more photos, but for now I just wanted to let you know he was here and I am enjoying all the cuddles I can get with him!

Sunday 18th is THE day!

Just a quick update for those of you who don't follow me on twitter or see me on facebook (or know me in real life, obviously!)

Our appointment at the assessment unit went well yesterday. Baby is still moving like a trooper (even managed to kick one of the monitors off my bump several times!) and his heart rate is perfect. So that is a relief.

However cholestasis has been officially diagnosed and so I am now on medication for it, have to return for monitoring Wednesday and Friday this week, and am being induced Sunday morning. 

So it is just a case of taking it easy (especially as my feet and ankles are so very swollen these days) and keeping an eye on baby's movements on the days when we don't go in for monitoring until Sunday arrives.

I'm hoping all the cramps I've been having (which the monitoring yesterday suggests are actually braxton hicks) is my body starting to prepare for labour anyway so we might have a bit of luck and get somewhere with the induction rather than going on for days and days with no progress... here's hoping!

Thanks for all your thoughts and hopefully sometime next week I shall be making the announcement of our little man's arrival. 

http://skimlinks.com/check

Life at the Patch - 38 weeks

I normally write my "Life at the Patch" posts on a Monday but tomorrow could be an interesting day for us so I decided to write this week's today instead.

As you all know by now, I'm sure, I have found pregnancy extremely challenging. Between Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Pelvic GIrdle Pain and Anaemia, I've been feeling pretty rough. But the past few weeks have been particularly demanding. 

So when I saw the midwife last Thursday I was having a good old moan about it all and happened to mention that the itching on my hands (which until recently had always been the backs of the hands only) had progressed to the palms of my hands. To be honest when I think back I realise this itching has been getting increasingly worse for several weeks but I had just put it down to eczema, despite occasionally wondering why it wasn't really accompanied by the usual blisters I get with eczema. 

This, of course, made the midwife decide we needed to do a blood test to check my liver function and to rule out Obstestric Cholestasis. The phonecall I received on Friday informed me that the intial results showed no obvious signs of a problem, but I would hear more on Monday. So I was advised to watch the itching and baby's movements and any change in either meant I had to call someone.

As I was expecting to hear more tomorrow, I was a little surprised to get a call on my mobile from one of the midwives on duty yesterday to inform me that the further results had come through and the levels of bile salts in my blood are raised. Meaning I now have to see a consultant tomorrow. 

From what I have been told and what I have read, it seems pretty standard procedure to induce labour around 37 to 38 weeks when Obstetric Cholestasis is a factor, and as today marks the beginning of week 38 for me, we are pretty much preparing ourselves to be told tomorrow that this is the plan of action. Which means that Tim has asked me to ensure that my hospital bag is ready to be taken to the car so that we are ready to go without any last minute fuss. 

Of course we know it's not going to be a mad rush, but we are thinking that the more we prepare now the better it will be, especially as we do not know whether we can get in to see a consultant here or have to travel to Lincoln hospital, in which case it would make sense to take my hospital bag over and potentially camp in my parents' spare room rather than travelling backwards and forwards. And anyway, we had only just been discussing the fact that it might make sense to have the bag in the car ready before we even knew we'd be seeing someone tomorrow. So it's just one of those times when we are trying to be organised now so that we aren't stressing over whether we've forgotten something if I go into labour or we have to head over for an induction. 

I won't know until tomorrow morning when or where our appointment will be, nor whether the consultant's advice is to induce or wait and see, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be pre-occupied whatever happens this next week or two, so just wanted to give everyone a "heads up" that we're still here, we're still ok, but I might not be online as much as usual for a little bit. I promise though to get online as soon as I can once baby is born to let you all know the good news, even if in a one-line, straight-to-the-point-as-I'm-too-busy-bonding-with-my-baby-to-want-to-write-a-proper-blog-post-thank-you-very-much kind of way!! 

Have a wonderful week everyone xx

Life at the Patch - 37 weeks!

It's been a joyous weekend here at the Patch...

We are, as of yesterday, officially FULL TERM!! 

That means little man can come any time now without us worrying that he is just a tad early. There were times when I couldn't imagine getting to this point, and yet here we are. We have our first (and only) antenatal class tomorrow and then I'd be happy if the little guy decided to make his entrance into the world sooner rather than later.

I shall never, ever forget how lucky we have been to have this baby. And despite being incredibly ill with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, my body has done remarkably well. My iron levels, which were borderline at 28 weeks, are now low enough for me to be diagnosed as anaemic and yet I am surprised I made it this far before iron tablets were needed, bearing in mind I barely managed to eat or drink for the first 5 months of pregnancy!! And despite being considered at higher risk of developing pre-eclampsia, my blood pressure has actually remained lower than normal throughout, and yesterday was the first time I noticed any swelling whatsoever.

I would never dream of suggesting that the pregnancy wasn't an amazing experience, because growing a new life is incredibly rewarding in so many ways. But it has been a challenge far greater than any I have ever faced and I know in my heart I could never face it again, not knowing how bad it could be nor how very long 9 months seems when you are so sick all the way through. It's been hard enough dealing with it when only working part-time and being able to spend a large majority of the time resting. I couldn't do it again with a toddler to care for. 

And this makes these last few days or weeks (depending on when he comes) that much more special. No matter how much pain I'm in nor how sick I feel, I'm very aware of how much I need to cherish these remaining moments when my body is doing something so natural and yet so miraculous (and something that so many people never get to experience). For all the times I cried over how very ill I felt, I am glad to have been given the chance to experience this. I'll never forget the gift we've been given and just hope I can cherish every moment with my baby once he is here.

Because of this, I have found the latest facebook "game" that is supposedly raising awareness for breast cancer hard to deal with. I'm not going to write about it now, as I want to ensure I give it the proper time and attention and shall post later this week with some of the links to bloggers and articles that speak far more deeply about it than I can. But until then would it be too much to ask you to refrain from participating in the "I'm ___ weeks and craving ___" game that implies you are pregnant because far from being a harmless bit of fun, it is incredibly hurtful to so many (again, I shall provide links about this in a later post!) 

And, in other pregnancy/baby related news, one of my newer blog friends who I discovered earlier this year has just given birth to her second daughter. You may remember KK from The Mom Diggity from her guest post last month about adoption. Well, go check out her blog this week to hear all the news about becoming a family of four and see some of the truly awesome items that she has got for the baby from some wonderful crafters!

Life at the Patch - 36 weeks

Photo taken at 34 (?) weeks... impossible to imagine I'm even bigger now!!

Sorry for the lack of regular posting of late. I am just feeling so tired and uncomfortable that finding the time to sit and write up any of the million things going through my mind is just too much like hard work some days. I'm sure you'll understand!

I'm now 36 weeks (and 2 days, to be precise). Which means that come Sunday I shall be classed as "full-term" and I only have 26 days until my actual due date. Doesn't sound like much, does it? And yet these past couple of weeks have dragged by so slowly that it feels like far longer to go.

I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and I'm ready for the nightmare of (my) pregnancy to be over. I always expected to love every moment of being pregnant but instead I have hated almost everything about it: the sickness, the pain, the sleeplessness... did I mention the sickness?

I've been feeling sick a lot lately. Not that I've had a single day since about the beginning of week 5 when I didn't feel nauseated. But I did have a blessed couple of months between weeks 24 and 30 when the nausea was almost forgetable. I even began to think that time would actually whizz by and I'd enjoy the latter part of my pregnancy. Oh how naive I can be!

Add to that the fact that I am getting cramps almost daily now, and some pretty intense stabbing pains and you'll see why I am ready for it to be over and my little man to finally be here. I know we have been utterly blessed to fall pregnant naturally and carry to term (well we're close enough now!) and I'll never underestimate how lucky we have been. But it has been a very long, hard journey for us both and we're more than ready for it to be over and for our new journey as parents to begin. 

It's going to be hard. There are going to be days when I doubt myself. There are going to be days when Tim gets home from work and the first thing I do is thrust the baby at him and say tearfully, "here, you take him, he hasn't stopped crying all day, I'm going for a bath!!" And there will be days when I wonder why on earth I was so desperate to have a newborn. But there will be just as many days when I hope to be utterly transfixed by the beauty of the life we created and the bonds we are building with him. And I cannot wait for those to start, no matter how hard the rest of it may be.

We're almost there, and yet it feels so far away still. So please excuse me if I don't blog as much as normal. I'm sure I'll have plenty to tell you once little man is born, but for now I just want to focus on getting through the coming days and weeks until he is here.