The Family Patch

Project Wild Thing - Our #WildTime Pledge

If you've been around here for a while, you'll surely know by now that TJ and I both love to be outdoors, especially in nature. I can't explain what exactly it is about this that I love so much, but needless to say I never feel more at peace than I do when I get out of the house and away from all the stresses of everyday life.

I've done this for many years now and I remember during my second pseudo-menopause when I was hit with depression and signed off work for a month, we would take midnight walks from the village we were living in at the time to the neighbouring village whenever TJ had worked a late shift and neither of us were ready for sleep! Walking down an unlit country road, with fields either side, the stars above us and only the light from the two churchyards in either village signalling our path, was a truly magical experience and I miss that sometimes.

This photo is incredibly deceptive - there is a massive hill between us and the avenue of trees!

Although we no longer live in a rural village, we are very lucky that the town we now live in has several wonderful woodlands dotted around and about for us to explore. Woodland areas are my absolute favourite places to be. I think that's pretty evident by the fact that the theme of our wedding was "autumn leaves" and Little Man's bedroom is also a woodland themed room, complete with 26 individual watercolour pictures my mum drew at my request, one for each letter of the alphabet.

And we try to get out as often as we can. I love how getting out and about can really take you away from everything that has been bugging you and transport you to a very simple activity of just walking and drinking in every bit of your surroundings. In fact I often feel a very intense sense of longing to remain outdoors as long as possible because I know that as soon as I go home everything will suddeny speed up and I will need to keep up with a million things again.

There is a place near to us which has this fantastic folly right at the top of the hill and at the edge of a beautiful wooded area. Whenever I walk up to and through the archway I feel like I am almost passing into another world, and it just feels so special. The woodland beyond is a popular place with families and dog walkers, but it is never crowded and so Little Man can run around in freedom as we wander behind him at a slower pace. It's here that he first discovered that nettles can sting you, because he tried to "tickle" them. And it's here where he met a very friendly dog who danced around his feet and made him squeal in delight! 

It's also where I introduced him to the idea of a "kissing gate". (A kissing gate is one of those gates which allow people through but not livestock). I don't know exactly why they are called kissing gates, but my family have a tradition of letting one person go through the gate and then they have to turn and the next person has to give them a kiss before going through the gate. And then that person has to receive a kiss from the next person before they pass through. Does anyone else do this or is it just my family? 

Little Man, has taken this to also mean he needs to kiss the gate itself, which is both adorable and amusing in equal measure!

The only problem with this beautiful woodland (and all the others in our area) is that we have to drive a short distance to get there. It is just too far to walk there and back. And this means that we don't go out nearly as often as we would like to. I crave going outdoors so much, and if you remember my posts about Little Man you will know he does too!

We go out in our garden as much as we possibly can, and actually one of the things I love most about our garden is that we have gradually allowed it to just grow a little bit wild and free. We've been here for 4 years now and in that time we have planted rose bushes, climbers and trees that we've found for just a couple of pounds each and they have taken over in a beautiful way. And out herb patch is a crazy mingle of rosemary, thyme, sage, chives and mint that spread into each other and right across the garden (the feverfew really has taken over the garden!)

We even have a small tree which I found as a tiny seedling growing right next to our old house (we lived opposite an old churchyard and it must have found its way over the road somehow) and a Buddleia that planted itself randomly in another pot. I cannot tell you how much joy this natural process brings me. And the fact we're also growing a variety of fruit and veg this year again also pleases me immensely.

But despite the garden being a lovely place to be, it just isn't a place that Little Man can run around in freely and explore. There isn't much room. And as we live on a major road, it will also be many years before I feel safe letting him out to play on his own (because, after all, cars in this area don't even seem to stop at the crossings!)

And this makes me sad as I remember playing in my parents' garden a lot as a child. And as I grew older I went out and about. My sister even used to go with friends to the local Arboretum to climb trees. It was fun and it was wild. That's not to say there weren't times when I didn't appreciate it - there were many days when my parents would ask me why I was holed up in my bedroom, with my curtains closed, instead of outside in the sunshine (I enjoyed reading in private a lot of my teen years!) but on the whole my memories of childhood were that I had the chance to explore, even if I didn't take the opportunity given to me every single time.

And this is what I want for Little Man. Especially as our world becomes more and more dependent on technology. It is so easy to spend so much time reading about life or watching it on a screen rather than actually experiencing it. As a blogger I see this very clearly even in my own life, and so I want to guide Little Man in the best way I can to find a good balance between the two. I see only positives in technology, if and when it is used alongside other means and experiences.

Which is why I am so excited to tell you all about Project Wild Thing. Have you heard about it? My mum brought us the DVD to watch the other day and we found the time to watch it yesterday. If you don't know what it's all about, the easiest way to find out would be to watch the film trailer. However, if you want a quick overview, here it is:

Project Wild Thing is a movement to get more kids (and their parents) out into nature.

It's that simple! And yet it is so big it seems wrong to call it "simple". Honestly, I cannot do it justice, you really should just watch the film!!

You can join the movement by visiting the website and clicking "join". You can then pledge a certain amount of time each day that you will swap "screen time" for "wild time". You can start from as little as 10 minutes per day. And depending on which time commitment you make, you will be able to find activity ideas that you can try in that time frame.

I signed up earlier in the week (before even watching the film - I knew I would love it!) and pledged to spend 30 minutes outdoors everyday. At first I thought this felt like a lot - we can't go to the woods every single day. But what I found really interesting when watching the film was that going outdoors doesn't have to mean going out in nature... not everyone has easy access to that option! What it does mean, however, is that you are simply getting away from the confines of being indoors and allowing yourself freedom to explore the world outside.

No matter where you are, you can always look up at the sky!

Yesterday evening, however, TJ and I decided we needed to get into nature. We needed to rebalance as this week has been really tough for us. And so we decided to take advantage of a public footpath just a few minutes walk from our house which leads up a hill and then around a massive field. We had only ever been up there once before and never at this time of year, so I was stunned by the sheer beauty of fields full of wheat, glistening so brightly in the early evening sunshine. 

Walking around the edge of the field I was reminded of how we used to take our niece for a walk around the local farm of an evening when we stayed with my in-laws. It was always such a pleasant way to spend an evening and our niece looked forward to it every night. I want that for Little Man. He had a fantastic time running his hand along the edge of the wheat, picking bits of tall wavy grass (which led to us reciting parts of "We're going on a Bear Hunt") and sniffing at the Elderflower we picked (we will be returning to do some foraging soon). He even decided we should all have a sit down by the side of the field at one point and just enjoy each others' company.

We brought his Elderflower home and it is now a lovely reminder of the time we spent together as a family, outside having "wild time" instead of "screen time". So how about it - do you fancy joining us and pledging some "wild time" of your own? If so, visit the Project Wild Thing website for more details.

It's Okay When Life Turns Out Different To Your Plans

A couple of weeks ago I was at a low point in my life. I was stressed, I was sick, and I was pretty miserable. At times like that I am reminded of how very different my adult life has turned out compared to how I always imagined it would. And I very much doubt I am alone in having these feelings.

But, as often happens, as I was knee-deep in these feelings (note I could have been much deeper!!) I stumbled across exactly what I needed... 

This book. Eat, Pray, Love is the book I have been yearning for and just haven't bothered to pick it up, despite having known about it for a long time! And then in one weekend we found both the DVD and the book (the book in a second hand shop too) and I made sure to make time to sit and read it whenever I could.

This weekend TJ and Little Man have gone away on a little "venture" as Little Man called it. So I have been home alone. It's a strange feeling being on my own and actually having time to do what I want instead of trying to fit way too many things into my life, most of these connected to work, being a parent or just because I find I cannot say "no" and offer to do way too many things! And so Saturday was spent feeling an underlying guilt for not doing anything productive at all... because, after all, there were so many things I wanted to do that I just hadn't had time to do when so busy doing other things, if that makes sense?

But by Sunday I had found a bit of a groove and enjoyed breakfast in the garden, crocheting a little something, photographing the flowers that filled me with joy and picking up this book to read a bit more. And yes, I was wearing my flowery pyjamas with bright yellow shoes and enjoying being lazy as anything at that point.

The sun was shining and I felt hugely content reading the book. Whilst I do not have the same passion for food as the author (my relationship with food has never been great, but is slowly improving) I do love the way she expresses so much joy in learning another language. As a linguist, this is something I can really relate to.

Okay, I'm not sure whether I can still call myself a linguist because I graduated almost 8 years ago, and it is almost 10 years ago that I first set off to Germany for 3 months and then Russia for 3 months. But my love of languages remains, even if I do not have the time to practise much these days. I've always loved learning languages just for the sheer joy of being able to communicate in a whole new way and find these amasing new words and turns of phrase that feel so sensual almost as you try to get your tongue around the closest pronunciation to a native as possible and open up a whole new world of discovery. It's why at school I spent at least some time learning Latin, French, German, Italian, and Chinese and why I loved helping my dad with his Spanish homework and then went on to study both German and Russian at university. And the Elizabthe Gilbert manages time and time again to express exactly what it is I love so much about learning all these languages.

Interestingly, though, I never planned on going to university to study languages. I had always thought I would train to be a teacher, not study some random degree just for the sake of it. And in this respect I always tell people I know that you kinda need to want to go to university to enjoy it. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the experience, but the whole time I was there I remember wondering what the point was. I learnt far more in my 3 months in Germany than I ever did in the 8 years prior to it. But my teachers had told me to study something first and then get a PGCE in teaching. But by the time I completed 4 years at university I had pretty much had my fill of education and wanted nothing more than to work rather than study any further. 

And I'm glad I didn't become a teacher for that very reason, to be honest. Teachers have a hell of a time these days. But what this little story of mine means is that my life didn't really work out the way I had planned and actually that can be okay...

This afternoon I reached chapter 30 of the book and it amuses me that it is in this chapter that I really found my inner thoughts and feelings reflected back out at myself (after all, I turned 30 just a few weeks ago). In this chapter, Elizabeth Gilbert writes about how she imagined being the one who would end up having children and how making a choice not to do so can lead you to feeling guilty, as if it is a selfish decision:

"I thought it would be me who would end up with a houseful of muddy boots and hollering kids... we grew up into different adults than anyone might have foretold when we were children. It's better this way though".

"Not all the reasons to have children are the same, and not all of them are necessarily unselfish. Not all the reasons not to have children are the same, either, though. Nor are all those reasons necessarily selfish... I say this because I'm still working out that accusation, which was levelled against me many times by my husbands as our marriage was collapsing - selfishness. Every time he said it, I agreed completely, accepted the guilt, bought everything in the store."

For me, aside from the going to university and becoming a teacher thing that never turned out the way I expected, the biggest thing I always thought I knew about myself was that I was the most maternal and deeply broody person I had ever known and would therefore end up surrounded by children.

And I'm not the only one who thought this. My aunt once told me she thought I'd have 6 kids. And my friends have told me, since I've had Little Man, how cruel it seems that the most maternal person they have ever known doesn't feel able to have any more children. 

And for a long, long time that realisation has hurt. In my mid-20s, TJ and I discussed not having any children at all, because my health wasn't great at that time. We talked about how much more we could do if we didn't have children. But ultimately I have been broody since before I even hit double figures in age myself, so it was kinda inevitable that urge to have a child would kick in at some point. And when it did it hit very hard indeed!

I was so very lucky to be able to fall pregnant naturally and have a healthy (in terms of outcome) pregnancy. However the experience was sheer hell and fraught with worry and even almost 3 years on we still feel our world rocked by what we went through. But I have found myself falling into this trap of wanting another child because I didn't want this to be "it" for us. I didn't want that part of my life I always dreamed about (i.e. having babies) to be over so soon. But deep down I also knew that it was and it needed to be and that this was actually the right thing for us.

But it's so easy to fall into that trap of self-doubt. Yes, having an only child means I can give him so much more than I could if I were even more stretched than I am now by having another child. Yes, having an only child has enabled me to write a book (another dream which I never expected to happen at all, go figure). And yes, having an only child means that as he grows older and more independent I find I have time to do the things that I personally love doing. I have time to sit in the garden, in the sunshine, reading for pleasure. I have the time to blog about the things that mean something to me. I have the time (and the money) to attend a blogging conference for the third year running. I have all this time, and energy and space, that I would not have were we to have another child.

We've talked about fostering. And actually fostering is something I do feel we will do one day. But not right now. Not for a long time. Not until our only child no longer needs us so much. Right now I want us to have time to enjoy life... to be like Elizabeth Gilbert and find pleasure in life by saying, "no... that path wasn't right for us". And to do so is not selfish at all... selfish, for me, would be putting my entire family through the stress of having another child because they would need to hold me up whilst I followed a long-held dream that no longer fits in my life.

And nobody is more surprised by that than me!

Today I have learned something I have been trying to learn for years. That is is okay to step away from the dreams and plans you have held for years. To realise that whilst it is scary to do so, whilst you may worry about whether it's the right thing to do, and whilst you may panic that one day you will regret it, sometimes stepping away is not only a good thing but necessary to find your own centre once more. As I discovered in another chapter in the book, sometimes we do not always know who or what we are anymore, but it becomes clear what we are not... and clinging on to that just because we don't know who we are now isn't the wisest or healthiest decision we'll ever make.

If you haven't read Eat, Pray, Love I cannot recommend it enough. It is such an easy read... Elizabeth Gilbert has such a beautiful honesty to her writing and for all the times she has had me nodding my head in agreement she has also had me crying with laughter just as much with her turn of phrase and amusing descriptions of a situation. I promise you, if you buy a copy you will not regret it!

 

Changing The Way We Eat

The past few months have been really challenging for us as a family healthwise. The biggest issue for me has been my digestion - having suffered from IBS for years, everything just seems to have become so much worse over the past year, with a rapid increase in symptoms since 6 months. 

In desperation I saw my GP when nothing seemed to be helping and weight loss was added to the mix. He referred me to a gastroenterologist and after a busy few weeks of various investigations, I finally saw the gastroenterologist for a follow up on Monday. 

It appears that everything looks fine internally, other than the fact that my digestive system isn't working as efficiently as it should. So his suggestion was to change the way I eat to see if that would combat the nausea and indigestion I am suffering from after eating. Namely, he wants me to drink at least 3 litres per day and start eating 6-8 meals per day to help make things as easy as possible on my system.

That's quite a change to the 3 meals a day, often at random times and struggling to make time to stop and drink even 2 litres a day around work and looking after a toddler! But it makes sense, so we're trying it out...

The problem is, finding a way to work around this new way of working. There are certain things that I cannot eat and haven't been able to eat for years - wheat, too much meat, too much dairy, raw vegetables and leafy greens like lettuce etc. So I am already limited in my variety of foods, so how can I find enough for 6-8 meals each day?

It turns out it hasn't actually been that difficult. I've discovered that I can easily create nutritious meals that last me several servings - things like "saladas" made from a mixture of green beans, peas and sweetcorn left over from the night before, added to egg mayo, cheese or ham the next day and split between two "mini meals" an hour or so apart rather than all in one go at lunchtime. Or a fruit salad, made in bulk one day (and kept fresh with a bit of lemon juice) and then eaten as a "snack" with some yoghurt or homemade museli at various intervals throughout the day!

The upside of all of this is that I've really started to enjoy cooking and preparing meals again for the first time in a very long time. We're experimenting in ways we've never done before - creating our own wheat-free muesli and discovering new combinations of tastes and textures. I feel pretty happy in the kitchen these days and find myself taking pleasure in feeding my family and myself in a whole new way. And that feels good!

As does the fact that my digestion seems to be dealing pretty well with the changes. I still have a long way to go before I am at the optimum suggestion made by the consultant, but so far so good. And whilst it's working I am going to enjoy trying new things...

Tell me, do you have any tips for nutritious and tasty "mini meals" or meals that can be split over several servings? 

This post is another of my "Joy in the Everyday Moments" posts as I am finding so much joy in the simple act of preparing food - you can't get more "everyday" than that, can you?

The Joy of the Garden (#joyeveryday)

It's been a few days since I started out in my quest to find the joy in the everyday moments, and so far I have discovered a couple of things. First, it can be very difficult to notice these little things because you are so used to only documenting the "big stuff" that you miss the little things or feel they aren't worth noting. And the second is that because of the first it is very important to take the time to try and find joy in the small things because it shouldn't be that difficult!

If you follow me on instagram or twitter you may have noticed me already making an effort to mark these small moments as they happen (photos of a toddler with a vacuum cleaner, anyone?) but as I wish to be really intentional in seeking these moments of joy I also wish to take the time to reflect on them and share them on the blog. The posts may not always be what I would previously have considered "blogworthy" because they may only make sense to me. But one thing I have also learned lately is that it's the "little things" that we all know and recognise that bring us together. 

Today it was the simple pleasure of being able to go out into the garden, feel a bit of sunshine, and see everything flourishing. Who doesn't feel joy when they see something they have planted grow? Especially when some of those things will eventually feed and nourish your family! Our tomato seedlings unfortunately died, but our potatoes, onions, garlic and carrots are all doing well...

...as are the strawberries!

To me this isn't exactly an "everyday moment" as our garden is constantly changing. But whereas I normally would have stepped out, walked past them, and gone about my many tasks without a single thought I would have missed the lovely feeling that comes from taking some time out to appreciate the amazing growth and development going on all around me.

As someone who spends an awful lot of time and energy on a wide variety of projects, it's pretty nice to have something flourish with very little effort on my behalf. So long as they are watered and the weather stays nice they do well. Trusting nature to do what it does best is quite a wonderful feeling and something I need to do more in other areas of my life too.

I also find it hugely symbolic. New things are happening all around us, whether we put energy into them or not. Sometimes we are amazed by the changes, sometimes we are amused (or bemused) by them - like how the feverfew, aquilegia and chives have spread right across the garden within such a short amount of time, regardless of our attempts to plan where they should be. I absolutely love the rather "wild" feel about and it a great lesson for me in accepting that sometimes you just have to let things happen as they will.

But it's also symbolic of how a little bit of time and intention, along with a smidgen of positivity can take something that looks like a lost cause and turn it into something truly beautiful. The tree above was found shoved at the back of a garden centre, half dead and looking extremely pitiful. We brought it home, planted it in the garden and let it grow. And now look at it! This, more than anything, brings me joy and reminds me that nothing is beyond hope.

All in all today was a very good day for finding joy and I am so glad that I decided to try and do this more often.

Finding Joy in the Everyday Moments

These past few weeks have been a total whirlwind for me. It seems like pretty terrible timing that in the month when I had 4 hospital appointments (3 of them for investigations) I also completed my Nine Months Of challenge, had an auction to organise, and finished the final edit of the book I have been writing. My feet have quite literally not left the ground and I feel like I haven't stopped...

And in amongst all of that, all the major achievements that were going on (such as getting the book to the publisher and seeing lots of fundraising and awareness plans all come together) the little bits and pieces started to get lost. I began to lose sight of the everyday moments and in doing so I seemed to allow old emotions to flood back to the surface - once my focus was on everything big, the big emotions came out to play!

I found myself grieving once more over our decision to never have another baby. This has been bubbling away slowly beneath the surface for a long, long time but my ongoing health issues and the exhaustion from trying to do too much just brought home how very real that decision is. And I began to grieve all over again. None of those big achievements seemed to matter anymore because the biggest dream I ever had was never going to completely come true.

And yet, it has. I am a mother. That is all I ever wanted to be. I have a beautiful child who means the world to me and whilst my heart may still yearn for another, the boy I have is more than enough to fill anyone's heart with so much joy. 

And I have a loving husband who supports me in all I do. Together we are building a life that reflects who we are as individuals, as a couple, as parents and as a family of three. Those beautiful moments, perfect in and of themselves, are being lost when my mind is so focussed on "the big things".

That's not to say the big things don't matter. I am so proud of the work I do and the people I support. But I don't want them to be the only things that defines me. Because at the end of the day there is only so much one person can do and if you find yourself constantly striving to do more (as I so often do) then you lose sight of the smaller, more intimate things which make life so beautiful. When the stress of those big things gets you down it's the little things that will hold you afloat.

That's what I have been missing lately and as such I've decided I need to make an effort to consciously and purposefully seek out the joy in the everyday moments. The things that will remain once the book the published, and once my little boy no longer needs his mama quite so much. My life can't only be about these "big things"... as they are so fleeting. It needs to be about the little things too.

I get that now. I don't know why, but it suddenly hit me today. I was in a really deep moment of grief and truly allowing myself to feel it fully for the first time. Perhaps that is why I made this connection. Perhaps, because I didn't try to squash it down as I usually do, I was able to see it for what it was. Who knows... what I do know, however, is that this is something I really want to do.

I've been wondering where my blog is going for a very long time and now I feel like I know that too... it's for documenting all those little things that add up to make my life (and the life of my family) so special. It's for the memories and for realising that the moment we have right now is the most important. Of course there is space for dreams and lots of space for the big things too... I will never stop blogging about those. But instead of only ever documenting the big stuff, I will now share the little stuff too.

I've decided to call it "finding joy in the everyday moments". Won't you join me?